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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Aren't you curious why he reached out to her instead of you? Are you taking any responsibility in the disconnect? Do you now see the signs in hindsight?

It's not your fault he cheated, but you did play some role in the breakdown of your relationship, right? Perhaps if you keep that in mind, you might be able to let go of the anger/need for revenge?[/quote]

OP. Such good questions, thank you. Of course I'm curious why. I ask myself that daily. What was my role was in this? I think part of it was that I was so busy taking care of the kids (9 & 12yo), the house, our company/business, that I didn't make time for working on "us" the couple. I totally felt the signs. My intuition radar was going off a lot over the past year but I ignored it thinking that my husband was SO committed to us, he could never do anything wrong (so naive). As I felt him disconnect, I disconnected too. The alcohol made things worse and I wouldn't want to be "with" him when he was drinking and slurring his words, etc.

I just can't believe he could seem so committed to us yet do this with another woman for over a year. That's the hardest part and where the anger is coming from. [/quote]

I think you two can get through this. If I were in your shoes, I would focus on accepting what's happened, putting it behind you, and moving forward together. Focus on positive steps towards a better relationship. Be open and honest with eachother. Tell him what you need.

Knowing alcoholics, I would offer forgiveness but make clear you will only forgive the cheating once. The ball is in his court: step up, get sober, and be faithful, or else it's over. [/quote]

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