Reply to Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?

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Reply to "Why do so many men feel entitled to sex within a marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Probably we should judge a rape by its impact on the victim. (Morally anyway -- legally you get into questions about burdens of proof and the relationship of the State to its citizens).

"Duty" sex that's truly voluntary may not be the best thing but it's not necessarily all that bad. A woman with reactive desire may not be in the mood but love her husband, be perfectly willing to have sex with him, and be hopeful that she will get into the mood once the sexy times happen. If that's the case, then the "duty" sex is properly seen as a reasonable compromise between loving spouses.

"Duty" sex that's entered into grudgingly is a different ballgame. Women who have sex under duress can experience many of the same emotional, mental, and sometimes physical problems experienced by women who are raped in a more traditional sense. The basic underlying fact is that she feels a loss of control over her body and when, where, and with whom she has sex. The specifics of that loss of control don't necessarily change the trauma she experiences.

If there is uncertainty, men should not be afraid to ask if the consent is given freely and should avoid being pissy when consent is not forthcoming. Women should be very clear when consent is given and should not acquiesce to sex they don't want to have. (These things are actually not gender specific, but the dynamic tends to be man pursuing sex/woman responding to the pursuit.) [/quote]

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