Reply to S/O Elder care for parents who didn't provide child care

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Reply to "S/O Elder care for parents who didn't provide child care"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When your DH meets with his parents, or maybe even before, he needs to get them to give him all the cold hard facts of their finances.  If FIL is willing to work just a few more years, his SS benefit will be much more at 70 than what he can claim at 67.  MIL can get a spouse's benefit based on her husband's earnings, but not until 62 at the earliest, so that should encourage him to keep working at least that long.  They should be looking into how to maximize their SS benefits.  Hopefully, FIL will also have a pension.

[b]When your ILs were young,  it used to be a point of pride for a man to be able to provide for his family, and there were many men who didn't want their wives to work.  [/b]Her husband may have had very strong feelings about that back when they were a young couple, and he could also be the one who controls the family finances.  Your MIL may have a hard time dealing with him regarding their family money, but won't say that to her son or you.  And if you are quick to judge and voice disapproval and your criticism of your MIL is obvious to her, she may also be fearing your wrath should she ever do anything wrong in your eyes while caring for your DC, and that may be a reason she declines to help you with childcare. She may feel stuck between a rock and a hard place both with you and with her husband, and her coping method may be to escape and avoid.[/quote]

This is nonsense.  I am 55, not much younger than OP's MIL, and my generation worked and we still work.  We went to law school, medical school, etc.and it was always our expectation that we would work.

OP's MIL became an adult in the 70s, not the 40s or 50s.  She is not an old lady from a distant generation.

FFS[/quote]

Not nonsense.  I am just a bit older than you, and although things began to change at that time, the generation of the 70's was raised by the parents of the 50's and early 60's who had traditional values.  It was the young adults of the 60's and 70's that started turning the tide, but it was not by any means overwhelmingly common at that time.  My neighborhood growing up was filled with stay at home moms and dads who were the sole providers for their families.  [/quote]

Push.  So what if your neighborhood was filled with SAHMs?  Mine was too.  But my sisters and I were educated and work, as do our friends and cousins and classmates, all ages 52-62.

OP's MIL could have worked, but didn't.[/quote]

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