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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
OP,

I don't know if you're still reading, but I think what you resent is the loss of attention from your wife on you and the things that made life worthwhile for you: more free time, a pleasant house with pleasant dinners, etc. It's a very common complaint among new fathers and one which should not elicit such deep resentment on your part.

Perhaps the trick is to try and understand the value of what your wife does currently with your children, and her future as their principal caregiver. There is great potential there!

An involved, educated and sensible parent will trump a daycare any day, and organize playdates, outings, activities. A SAHM parent can pick up the children from school and do enrichment, help with homework, drive them to activities, etc, all before dinner and a reasonable bedtime. It makes life so much less stressful! For the children's wellbeing, money is not everything.

Do you realize that most elementary-school children I know have concomitantly one sport, one musical instrument and one language to learn after school, in addition to their homework? Do you want to pay a nanny to drive them around and "help" them with their homework? Or will you or your wife be able to find a part-time or flexible job that will allow one of you to do this?

I understand she is not keeping the house or taking care of you as you would wish right now. Remember these skills may develop themselves in a few years, when the babies don't need her round the clock. The mental sharpness and lively dinner conversations will come back, but not now - she's deep in the trenches.

I was your wife years ago: I stopped working because my job was too stressful - I was totally focused on my children for the first 2 years. I will remember that precious time as long as I live, and the fact that the house was messy and dinners sometimes forgotten is really completely unimportant compared to the extraordinary bond I developed with my children. It made me so happy and fulfilled. My husband, though lamenting that he wasn't getting as much TLC as before, was happy that I was happy (much better than a grouchy, super-stressed wife that won't make dinner anyway!).

Also keep in mind that having two working parents with young children is very stressful! It won't be same as before, when you had no kids, one just one kid in daycare.

It's normal not to see the benefits of a stay at home parent right away, OP, since your children can't hold intellectual conversations and show off what they've leaned right now. But you'll get there and be glad your children had that luxury.

[/quote]

So you stopped working because it was too stressful but now if your spouse's job is too stressful your spouse has to endure it no matter what. You not working adds stress to your spouse's life. Sorry to break it to you but plenty of kids who are in daycare are thriving with financially secure parents. You do have a point about it being nice to be able able to do enrichment with your elementary kids after school. However, it doesn't mean you have to stay home and wait around, you can just work part time or shift your hours so that one parent goes in to work early so he or she can leave early. Why should you get to have leisure time for 7 hours a day while the kids are in school?  [/quote]

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