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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]02:13, Moms like you were what got me through.  That's a great, low-key approach.  Just get ready, though -- you may start seeing that young one around more often! LOL  But on the other hand, I used to wake up early at sleepovers, go downstairs and clean the kitchen/mop the floor/take out the trash.  I was so grateful to these families, and it was too shaming to say out loud.  So I would joke that I was compulsive instead.  :)  I just hope they understood what I was trying to say without saying it.  I think they did.  I hope so.[/quote]

It's interesting to me (i'm not the pp) that the do-gooders really do need to be tactful about giving help and showing support too. I'm finding that particularly enlightening, and I like hearing the ideas of how to do that and how it's been done. Nobody needs to be shamed.[/quote]

Yes, I agree it is incredibly important to be discreet.  Some of my worst memories are of times when people were actually trying to be kind and help me, but I was just so ashamed.

As for how to help without embarassing a child, I think it would be great to do things for an entire group, or two kids in a pair, etc., so that the child in need is not singled out.  For example, if my girls were to ever bring a friend over to hang out and I got the impression she was needy, I would not just try to give the guest things.  Instead, I would say something like, "Hey girls, I just got these three new kinds of face soap and I would love it if everyone would try one for a while and tell me later if you like it."  And then pass them out.  Now I've gotten a big bottle of face cleanser into the hands of the child in need without it seeming weird.  Or if I were taking the girls to a bounce place and someone had tattered looking socks, I could say something like, "You know what we all need?  Crazy socks!" and then I could treat everyone to a set of new socks.  Another idea would be to say, hey girls, let's bake this afternoon!  Then when five dozen muffins are done, it won't seem out of place to say, "Sally, you should take 2 dozen home and enjoy the results of your hard work in the kitchen!"  Or ask the girls to help out with spring cleaning of your closet and tell them they all get to fill a bag with stuff you don't need anymore.

Obviously this would only help with little things, and it is not an effective means to really combat poverty.  No kid is going to be "saved" by a bottle of face soap or clean socks, or a bunch of muffins or one bag of old accessories.  It's a start, though, and if a small bit of assistance is well-placed, it can make a huge difference, in my experience.  And with the way I grew up, getting to hang out with "mom" and do these things also would have been really wonderful.    [/quote]

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