Reply to Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it.

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Reply to "Partner and I can't agree on a surname after marriage and now I'm wondering if marrying him is even worth it."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I didn't want to change my mind. When we discussed it prior to marriage he said he would really like me to take his last name. He grew up with a single mom who had her maiden name and he and his brother each had the last name of their (different) father. [/quote]

[quote]Having a wife and kids with his last name felt like family unit to him.[/quote]

Your husband doesn't feel his mother raised him in a family unit, because she didn't ensure they all had the same surnames?

[/quote]

Obviously there was a lot more going on than different last names. Don't be obtuse. [/quote]

And same surnames would solve the family unit problems how?

Give us some examples of broken family unit problems that are resolvable by giving everyone the same last name. [/quote]

I didn't say it would. I'm not saying anyone should or shouldn't change their name. I simply shared my own experience. After talking about it I decided it meant way more to him than it did to me. So I changed my name. That worked for us. It doesn't mean everyone has to do it. [/quote]

Your husband is fundamentally insecure, that’s not anybody else’s problem.[/quote]

This is why people roll their eyes at liberal feminists. A guy has a preference to have his children carry his last name, as has been our cultural norm for centuries, and you label him as fundamentally insecure. [b]Maybe he just likes carrying on the tradition or it means something significant to his family.[/b] His wife decided she was fine with it so why do you judge? Can't you respect other people's choices and move on?[/quote]

DP We don't need to ask "maybe". We know the reason:

"Having a wife and kids with his last name [i]felt like family unit to him[/i]."

He bases the feeling of a healthy family unit on everyone having the same last name. It's of course a nonsense reason - a healthy family unit has nothing to do with last names. But that's the reason he provided.

[/quote]

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