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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not unheard of and sorry, but sometimes it’s not preventable. This is why Belle Burden’s book is a bestseller. So many women can relate.

Also, I hope you fudged some of the identifying details about your friend. [/quote]

Belle Burden is whatever the opposite of hyper vigilant is and there were zillions of signs leading up to her husband leaving. [/quote] Perhaps there were signs. I didn't pay a lot of attention to them either. Addressing the state of my marriage was something I knew I needed to tackle but I wasn't quite ready. When I did finally address it because the red flags could no longer be ignored, mine said he wanted a divorce. He was caught, he panicked, he fled. Her and my lack of vigilance does not grant a blanket excuse for the subsequent behavior of our exes.[/quote]

And mine.  Long marriages go through ups and downs.  The downs were not dramatic.  We had been married for more than 2 decades and had successfully weathered some hard stuff.  Only in hindsight can I pick out a few red flags or signs, but still not many that would have caused suspicion.  I didn’t worry because I didn’t think there was any need to worry.  Will I ever trust like that again?  Nope.  Was I a fool?  Maybe.  You don’t think your husband is planning to leave when he’s still saying and doing all the normal things and nothing significant appears to have changed.  [/quote] The day before mine decided he wanted a divorce he texted me about going to a concert a few weeks later. I truly believe he just wanted to keep having his affair but when I said I knew what was going on he ran away. [/quote]

Mine was always unstable. He’d throw a temper tantrum, threaten divorce, then the next day ask about family summer travel plans. Destabilizing. 
The kind of irrational wildcard. He’d come home with a new sports car or pet dog and have zero idea how to insure it or take care of it, but hey, cool idea, someone else can go make it happen!

He was also ASD I, tested at age 39, and wasn’t working with a full deck. So I knew I had to be ready for anything and just get the kids smart and independent, plus advance my career and friend groups. [/quote]

Mine would threaten divorce and then the next week talk about how we should sell the house and move to be closer to his family. He wasn't even trying to make me crazy, he just wasn't operating in reality. We are still together, but separate rooms/coparenting. I told him not to bring up divorce again until he's filing, and that was a few years ago and he hasn't.

I think if I filed, he would still describe it as coming out of nowhere.[/quote]

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