Reply to Tension with Wife's Family over Finances

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Tension with Wife's Family over Finances"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP's problem he is actually broke. He thinks about all his in terms of his family's money because he doesn't have any of his own money that he can decide how he wants to spend. He's basically a trust fund brat.[/quote]

I think you have it backwards. She's broke. She doesn't have a job, and owes debt to her father. He has a job and didn't say he has debt. [/quote]

He feels guilty that he was given everything to get his start in life while he knows his FIL worked very, very hard for everything he has. He’s never had to do any true hard work and he knows he can never compare to his FIL in that respect. 
[/quote]

He literally said that was his family's MO to pass down money through the generations, so no OP doesn't feel guilty. That's some fantasy writing. The only thing backwards is OP thinking that his wife is owed something from her father. The more he changes his thinking to "she is broke and in debt and will not receive an inheritance," the better.

The OP values family and generosity. His FIL values self and disavows handouts, even for family. They don't have a value match. [/quote]

Just because OP doesn’t realize that he feels guilty doesn’t mean he doesn’t. It’s embarrassing to have to compare yourself to someone who worked hard for everything he has and realize that you were handed everything by your parents and grandparents. Being around a man like his FIL is uncomfortable for him and he’s looking for ways to blame his FIL for his own inner feelings of inadequacy. He’d never admit that that is how he feels, but it’s pretty obvious from his writing. 
[/quote]

Yeah, not buying it. Generosity is typically hardwired. I don't think it's obvious from his writing at all that he's harboring jealous fantasies. There's a lot of rich @ssholes around who are "self-made" that people don't envy. Also, I'm sure it would be hard to see your DW not having a lot of support from the family. He's not used that, so it's probably jarring.

He may be immature, but I don't buy the jealousy at all. Nor, do I spy this in his OP.[/quote]

Agree. Except we don't really know she has no family support, do we?  That's his perspective, but he seems to me incredibly unworldly and imperceptive given his educational background.

[/quote]

The only clue we have is her father didn't pay for her undergraduate degree, so that usually indicates no support, since OP says they're wealthy. Though OP said he had a blue collar business, so maybe he's anti-education. I guess he could also be wrong that he's wealthy.

I don't think educational background has anything to do with it. He thought his kids would be valued through both sides of their family and now he's realizing his assessment was wrong. That's not something you learn at medical school. It's an identity for him and he cannot reconcile that his FIL has a similar identity. Women complain all the time on this board that their inlaws don't value their children -- it's the same thing here. He equates money with value because his family instilled that identity

[/quote]

I would have assumed medical school and residency would have exposed him to individuals from very different backgrounds with wildly different world views from that of his family of origin. Maybe a totally unreasonable assumption.  I absolutely agree with you it probably looks to 0P that FIL doesn't value family,  maybe doesn't value education (which is a huge values difference) and also wonder about FIL's wealth.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics