Reply to Anyone’s exDH try to use family caregiving for custody?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Traveling for work isn't 'gallivanting'. It's called providing for your family. My late father traveled for work at some points and trust me, he was our dad 100% of the time.[/quote]

This doesn't sound like a dad who is doing 100% here, with all due respect to your dad and other parents who do only the travel necessary to maintain an income and a career.[/quote]

True, but OP isn’t doing 100% either.  Providing financially for your kid is a huge part of parenting.  OP is clear that she has, in the past, relied on his income.  Which is fine, but it means that she has also never done 100% of the parenting, and while she is asking for grace as she transitions to a career that can provide more $, she is very angry about him needing similar grace as he sorts out how to provide more time.

The solution here seems to be a ROFR that kicks in on the 2nd consecutive overnight.  [/quote]

DP. I think you are confused about the issue. Nobody disputes he is providing financially and the court will require he continues to do so. The question is physical custody. If he chose work over parenting time in the past, that is the structure a court will likely continue.[/quote]

Nope, I'm not confused.

OP chose parenting time over the financial piece of parenting.  Her STBX chose the opposite.  Both of them did so because they trusted the other person to provide the part of parenting that they couldn't.  Both of them made choices that were solid choices in the context of a marriage, and have now stopped working.

Now, that's changed.  OP has changed her work schedule and prioritized her career, but also points out, rightly, that that's something that takes time and so she needs grace.  She can't be expected to suddenly provide at the same level that he did and so needs child support.  Ex is likely making similar shifts, and similarly needs some grace while he figures it out.

If she's worried about this particular childcare plan, a ROFR that kicks in at 24 hours prevents it, while not impacting her ability to leave her kid home for a few hours with Grandma, or send her on a sleepover with a friend.  [/quote]

Way to completely make sh*t up. OP said that her ex does not plan to change his work schedule. Nor has he actually even come up with a reasonable childcare plan. [/quote]

OP has not yet implemented a plan to get her income to his level either.

Adjusting to divorce and coparenting takes time.  She needs time, and grace during that time, to be able to figure out how to support herself and her child.  He needs time, and grace during that time to figure out how to adjust his career and set up the best childcare.  She likely doesn't know if he's job hunting.  She likely doesn't know how he's communicating in his organization about arranging his travel to be primarily on days when he doesn't have the kid.  She doesn't know if he's interviewing high quality nannies.  What she knows is that he hasn't communicated those things to her.  If she doesn't trust him to come up with a childcare plan that she approves of, then she can include provisions in the divorce that allow her ROFR.  But she doesn't want ROFR because she wants to punish him.  [/quote]

Yeah you keep on not getting it. The custody of the kids is not contingent on OP increasing her salary. [/quote]

Nor is it contingent on him having already figured out his childcare plan 100%.   Both need time and grace to figure out their parts.[/quote]

You are so confused. A judge doesn’t care about “time and grace.” The judge looks to past conduct and current job responsibilities. OP’s ex let her do most of the childcare in the past, and he apparently has no plans to reduce his considerable work schedule.To top it all off he has no reasonable child care plan. [/quote]

A good judge will understand that family child care and set ups change during divorce.  They both agreed to this and now she'd using it against him.  She doesn't want her child to have a relationship with their father.

The best interests of a child mean a relationship with both parents equally.  [/quote]

How’s the kid supposed to build this equal relationship with dad if he’s frequently away during his custodial time and shunting responsibility for child-minding onto his mother or a paid caregiver? [/quote]

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