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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi!  It's the original OP here!  So surprised to see this thread come up again.  Well thought I'd give you all an update.

Two years later and sadly, nothing has changed.  My husband and I still have no friends.  I have tried so hard to make friends.  For the last year or so, I've been focused on making friends at church and through my kids' friends moms.  Neither has worked out at all.

At church, I took the initiative and started a small group.  I thought this would be a good way to make friends, because I feel like I can't just sit and complain about not having any friends--I need to do something positive to try to fix the situation.  So I saw a need for a small group and started one.  The group was very popular and lots of people joined.  The group meets monthly and I organize the activities every month with input from the group.  I made some acquaintances but the problem is they're all one-sided friendships.  For example, I invite these women to get together outside the group in order to build the friendship, like for lunch or to go to a church event, and they accept but have never invited me.  We have a nice time together, but I can tell they're no interested in putting any energy into building a friendship.  I make an effort to try to keep in touch occasionally (like a monthly text to say hi) and they respond but don't ever initiate keeping in touch with me.  So after two years of this I'd call them casual acquaintances but not friends, since there is no reciprocation.  They have never invited me to do anything.  Eventually I stopped asking them and now I just see them at the monthly group, where we are friendly but not friends.

I also tried really hard to make friends with some moms from school.  Things seemed promising at first with one mom--my son's best friend from last year.  At first it went well and I thought I finally had made a reciprocal friendship--she did show interest, invite me places and she did text with me in-between to stay in touch.  This lasted for about 5 months before she dropped me as a friend.  They were new to the area (just moved here) and didn't know anyone, so at first she was eager to make friends, and it was convenient for her since her son and my son were best friends.  Soon, however, this other mom started making other friends and then faded me out.  I started hearing from her less and less and when I would initiative get-togethers with her she would start to decline (whereas before she was really eager to meet up) and say "I'm so busy, maybe check back in in a few months" wheres we would meet up monthly before.  Eventually I stopped hearing from her altogether so sadly that friendship faded out.  Our sons are still friends though.

My husband started a new job and made a male friend from work.  We invited them over this past winter for dinner at our house.  They never reciprocated, though he and my husband hang out at work and go to happy hour together occasionally.  So at least he has a work friend.

I still have no friends.  It was very apparent to me about how isolated we are when I had to have surgery this past spring and I told multiple acquaintances and no one offered any support, no one brought a meal, no one checked in, nothing.  Even my mother in law knew and she didn't say a word to me about the surgery or ask how it was.  That was disappointing and depressing.

We had a great summer, lots of fun travel and fun experiences for our family, but no one invited us to do anything all summer, no BBQs, no playdates, no pool parties.  I scheduled a few playdates for my kids that were not reciprocated, and I noticed that the moms didn't even come--they sent their husbands to stay for the playdate.  So all in all it was a disappointing summer socially.

I keep trying to put myself out there, take the initiative, and make friends but it has been completely unsuccessful.  I see a therapist weekly about this issue, and I have started volunteering somewhere as well, hoping to make friends that way.  At this point I pretty much have no hope that we will ever make friends here.  After our kids graduate, we plan to move out of the area to a friendlier area.[/quote]

Is all of this true? How can you not read this and consider maybe you and your husband are the problem. I mean it's a pattern of behavior for decades, tons of different groups of people, and the same outcome? That said, as long as you and your husband love each other, and your kids are happy and healthy, things could be a lot worse. I'd personally focus your efforts on old family. Life is short.[/quote]

I’m curious how OP feels about parenting?

I have also struggled with friendships but did not earlier in life. Now I’m in my 40s with young kids and find it’s been a year since I’ve been invited for a party or been to dinner with a friend.

My hunch is that I’m not that focused on children or kids’ activities and I come across as weird. I mostly dislike motherhood, resent what I have lost because of it (freedom, my body, career growth, friendships) and I think even if I try to hide it, it comes through.

I recently spent time with a friend who did not marry or have children and she runs around in a group of other women who have not married or had kids. I felt way more comfortable and realized if I didn’t have kids, I’d likely have some friends and an active social life. I wish I fit in better with suburban moms, but I do not and don’t know what to change. By the time I figure it out it will probably be time to retire and move anyway.

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