Reply to Is my wife being unrealistic about her expectations of my work life balance?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s nuts that in 2025, the sahm position is that taking care of two young kids, one of whom goes to daycare, is beyond the capacity of the stay at home parent, and this can only be reasonably managed with childcare.

I am fascinated and disgusted that some women have not only convinced their husbands that there is so much value in the work done by a stay at home mom that they shouldn’t work out of the house, but also that their husbands should go out of pocket to pay for childcare and house cleaners while their wives perform this apparently imperative function. (I understand ops wife is on maternity leave and planning to go back to work, so it’s not exactly the situation here. But there are lots of posters suggesting that op is expecting too much of her to watch two kids on a day when she is not working - so same sentiment). [/quote]

you’re fascinated and disgusted that a woman wants support caring for two small children one of whom is an infant possibly breastfeeding? And you then wonder why women are declining to have lots of babies? Come on. [/quote]

I’m a woman and find it this strange. The older kid is in full day daycare most days. I have no issue with women opting out of having kids, but I do think it’s odd to try and opt out of the ones you do have.[/quote]

Oh, so asking for some help from the other parent of your infant and preschooler is “opting out” of childcare? GTFO. [/quote]

Yes, complaining about the spouse giving a presentation to the c-suite on the first day you have to take care of both kids solo is pathetic. Embarrassingly so.[/quote]

if he failed to even communicate and work out a plan with her - and just silently expected her to do it all - then yes, he’s being a sh*tty user. The message is “you are my nanny and I control the division of labor in the household.”

If OP had taken a moment to be RESPECTFUL of his wife and coordinate the day, then he wouldn’t be here right now. [/quote]

You are kidding right? The plan is the parent who is not working that day takes care of the kids. It was 5 hours, not even a full work day.[/quote]

Yeah no, your wife is not your nanny. If that’s the plan, you discuss it with her. [/quote]

I am a wife who works and brings in the lion share of our income. What a silly response. Yes, the parent on leave actually cares for the children. What a strange world you must live in.[/quote]

you’re not reading what I wrote. of course it makes sense that she did the childcare while he worked. The problem would be if there was no conversation about it letting her know that today he’d likely be unable to interact the way he usually does during the day. And the broader context is that she’s going back to work in a month. is he also going to silently expect her to be the one to take all the snow days? Sounds like it. [/quote]

You’re actually suggesting that when you have a working spouse and a spouse on maternity leave not currently working, the couple needs to have a discussion about who is going to watch the children on a snow day?? When one of the parents has no fixed obligations that day, and the other one does have obligations? Like there’s a discussion to be had? You ladies are absolutely bonkers. [/quote]

Yes, because they're a married couple and care about each other and care about their kids. Her day just got way harder and he thinks he doesn't have to lift a finger? No thank you. He can step up. Not just ignore her and proceed with his day. It's really rude.

The ages of the kids are not snow day compatible, the 4yo should get to play in the snow but an infant shouldn't be outside that long. And it's hard to keep a 4yo quiet during all three infant naps. Being a good parent means the dad steps up to handle some of this. [/quote]

But they did talk about it! The wife knew he had presentations that day. [b]Then the snow happened but why would that affect his work?[/b][/quote]

I think this is a fine argument while she is on maternity leave, however, they need to sit down and discuss what they will do if this happens once she has returned to work. It isn't equitable to assume that his life will not change and his work will always assume priority, without a talk. [/quote]

Agree 100%. They have a new situation with a second kid and they need to figure out their new schedule. [/quote]

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