Reply to Is my wife being unrealistic about her expectations of my work life balance?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I couldn’t get through your whole post before thinking your DW had unrealistic expectations. You seem to be able to do more than most that are employed full time. [/quote]

He works 10-5:10. That's barely full time. He SHOULD be doing more. [/quote]

He IS doing more. He takes his 4 year old to daycare every morning during what most of us would consider [b]typical work hours[/b].  And he is clearly involved as soon as his workday ends at 5, because he was aware on this particular snow day that his extra 10 minutes of work really messed up his wife's expectations. Clearly he is involved on typical days, or his wife wouldn't have lost her mind when he had the audacity to work for a 5 hour stretch without relieving her.  [/quote]

But he's not working during those hours, so it's no big sacrifice on his part. Honestly he should do everything before work--breakfasts, packing backpacks, etc. Starting at 10 is crazy late.

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Why on earth does he have to do “everything” until 10? I really don’t understand you people. You are insane. No wonder nobody wants to have kids. This hot potatoing of kids and bean counting of their care is honestly horrifying. These poor children. [/quote]

So what, mom is just on duty 24-7 with the kids? [/quote]

Her older kid goes to daycare every day! The younger one is 3 months old which is basically the easiest age your kid is EVER going to be: they sleep and wake up and eat and go back to sleep. Give me a break. WTF. [/quote]

Seriously!  Why is the 4 year old in school until 5 when his mom is home all day….not with a newborn?  My god, women these days are lazy.  [/quote]

I posted 10 pages up thread that [b]I don't understand how in the last 30 years the narrative has shifted that apparently taking care of 2 children during the day is too much to ask of one woman[/b], and that husbands who don't split all before and after-work hours with their wives and get them housecleaners and mothers helpers are practically abusive. I hear this a lot, it is bonkers to me.  [/quote]

It’s always taken a village but 30 years ago you had more family living close by, kids played outside with each other versus being in travel soccer at age 8, and there were other stay at home parents nearby. When my DH’s mom went back to work when he was in kindergarten, his grandmother watched them after school for awhile and then later they paid a neighbor/SAHM of a classmate until they were old enough to be home by themselves.  There were also different expectations about parent involvement-  my mom fed me formula and I can count on one hand how often she was expected to be at school in the middle of the work day in elementary school.  So now that there is more work in modern child rearing unless you are going for free range parenting style and the village is now you, your spouse, and the help you pay for.

From the initial post I didn’t think the balance of labor was way off.  However I do agree with the previous poster that mentioned discussing what’s on deck and talking thru impact.  When my spouse has something off our usual schedule for his work, we talk about it ahead of time and I put it on the calendar.  If it will cause an extra burden we try to figure out ways to lighten it - maybe he handles more the week before so I can get ahead on hours, or he will prep dinner.

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