Reply to Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am in charge of 95%+ of the household admin and am the main breadwinner. I am constantly resentful bc I am always either working, doing admin, or at best telling dh to do things bc he does not initiate the need to do or buy anything that needs to be bought or happen.

He took ds to an 8th birthday party today while I took other dc on overnight for travel sport. I reminded him multiple times about party and that he would need a gift; [b]he said he would get the gift. ds tells me this evening that they were late to the party bc dh overslept and had no gift so gave kid money in envelope. [/b]

yes dh has adhd. yes is on meds.

I just don't get the mentality. Is it an assumption that I'll just do it? Or weaponized incompetence or like - what is benefit to dh of being like this? I do not understand. [/quote]

He overslept in an empty house with an 8 yo?

Oversleeping made his kid late for a bday party? Doubt it was a breakfast or brunch boys party….

Didn’t remember to buy or pick up a present despite various reminders from you and his son? So stuffed some cash in an envelope? (Theft alert).

Wow, that’s really beyond disappointing. And a disgusting pattern or neglect and carelessness.

I’d get to a few layers and see what basic divorce terms would look like here.
Unf you might be paying him for the above sub/standard care if he wants 50% custody. Your 8 yo kid needs to get independent and wise to life fast. Sadly, he cannot count on his “father.”

If you do file for divorce - do the kids gave adhd? Two households are difficult for an adhd kid. 
As for ex H, this type won’t be able to figure out how to divorce anything- id get him into parenting classes and couples therapy, as a Coming to Jesus approach on how to divorce, coparent, be an adult, raise the kid right. Focus on the kid. Then shift the focus to how does he want to be separated. With custody or some fun dinners each week? With a house or an apartment?

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