Reply to Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not a mentality, OP. It’s a disability. Educate yourself because sh***ing on people with ADHD does nothing since they already hate themselves. But by all means, revel in your superiority while your marriage falls apart. Hope “victory” feels good. [/quote]

Some of us have ADHD and still manage to not embarrass or disappoint our kids with our inability to be a responsible adult.
[/quote]

Aren’t there degrees of ADHD though? Some people have a milder case than others?[/quote]

And some people create systems and scaffolds in their lives to accommodate their weaknesses - or choose to simplify some things to allow more mental bandwidth for other things - like my kids and stuff that is important to them. 
1. Receive party invite
2. RSVP yes and immediately put it on my Google calendar - inviting my work calendar and my husband. 
3. Check for message “no gifts”.  If no gifts - screenshot the invite and add that to the calendar entry - because I will doubt myself and recheck the invite 12 times otherwise. If it doesn’t say “no gifts” create a calendar event for the Saturday prior to the party that says “buy gift for X kid” and invite my husband. 
4. Wednesday and Sunday - look at calendars with husband. Update each calendar entry for kids with a code to tell us who is driving / going / staying at the event. [/quote]

But OP didn’t do #4. Or even #2. When I suggested OP change tactics the vultures came out to say that DH should do it all. But, OP is the miserable one. Maybe even has a touch of ADHD herself. [/quote]

You’re just looking for reasons to blame OP. [/quote]

Not at all. OP has more power than she thinks she does. But blaming her spouse for everything that’s wrong in marriage is not productive and I doubt there’s a single therapist who would say her DH is 100% in the wrong.

When my kid didn’t put on his shoes, I didn’t just go into a rage every time when I did the same exact thing every day. Sometimes I even gave my kid a bit of grace, “that sucks you have to put on shoes, I’d rather be barefoot too.” Suddenly there’s commiseration and acceptance. [/quote]

Not really. Stop saying that

She can divorce and coparent with a deadweight. Good luck.

Or she can continue to live with a deadweight floating around the house making messes and mistakes, and do everything for the family herself. Good luck.

Two bad options. Options I’d never want for any of my children. But life happens and bad luck happens. Here you are, must get tough. [/quote]

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