Reply to Why do some women think it's acceptable to get engaged without a ring?

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Reply to "Why do some women think it's acceptable to get engaged without a ring?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you want people to marry young, there is not usually much money for an engagement ring. It was fairly common at one time not to have an engagement ring at all, or to have a small one. Has nothing to do with romance and [b]everything to do with signaling status.[/b] [/quote]

This is what bothers me about engagement rings. A lot of people are very explicit about this aspect of the ring, too. I don't think buying a piece of jewelry to mark your decision to get married is a bad one (I love the idea of wedding rings, for instance, as a daily reminder of your commitment, worn by both partners). And if someone wanted a ring to make their engagement, I see nothing inconsistent about feminism with that.

But the way engagement rings are often spoken of and shown off, it's very clear that it's about signaling status. And not just economic status (although definitely that) but also a very specific kind of relationship status. Some women make a big deal about their rings because they think having a very showy engagement ring is evidence that they have been "chosen" by a man. It's about signaling to other women that they have been validated as people because A MAN has picked her as his own. Again, sometimes the language people use is explicit about this. I find it very disturbing. Women do not need to be chosen or marked by men in order to have worth. They do not need to have their value validated by the purchase of an expensive piece of jewelry.

I don't care whether anyone gets an engagement ring or not, but I would love if we could stop with certain gross behaviors, specifically the way large diamond engagement rings get displayed on social media, how celebrity rings get talked about and reported on, the way people equate the size of a ring with level of love or interest, and the way some women sometimes compete over the size or appearance of their rings. This stuff really is anti-feminist and toxic, and it's women's behavior, not men. It's a good example of how women sometimes are our own worst enemies when it comes to propping up patriarchy.[/quote]

I completely agree. [/quote]

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