Reply to Friend group is blowing up due to rift between teen girls

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve decided that unfortunately mom friends have an expiration date.  It’s almost always too awkward to continue socializing when your kids are gojng in different directions.  It’s a huge bummer.  
But I think you should go for a drink with the other mom.  Just say you are bummed the girls aren’t as close as they once were but kids grow up and make their own choices and it looks like your girls just aren’t in the same place right now.  But you hope you adults can still be friends because you do really like hanging out.  And maybe some day your daughters will find their way back to each other as friends.  I e seen that happen too — in 3 years they could be in the same club and want to hang out again.  This age is particularly rough because kids are trying on new identities and stuff is very much in flux.[/quote]

This is good advice.

I would not be intervening in teenagers' friendships; the other mom is setting a bad example for her daughter and putting you all in an awkward position. Encourage kindness, don't allow bullying, but also don't force your child to be friends with people she's outgrown. Women are told to just be nice and not hurt people's feelings too often . . . relationships are a two way street and no one should be forced to walk down the road with someone they don't really like.[/quote]
There's no such thing as outgrowing a friend and you can never have too many friends.  You don't have to stay besties, but there's no reason to completely drop a long time friend (without cause at least). Just keep being kind and respectful and let things fall where they may.  [/quote]

This is very naive and untrue.[/quote]

Yeah I don't buy that outgrowing friends is a thing. If a friendship dissolves, it's usually for a bigger reason. Plenty of kids stay friends even if new friends are made and kids discover other interests [/quote]

Yep. I still have friends from as far back as middle school, and I am in my 40s.

I have " outgrown" some friends. There are bigger reasons behind every friend I have outgrown.[/quote]

You all don't think outgrowing friends *in childhood* is a thing?  Huh?  Kids grow and change - adolescents especially so.  "Outgrowing" may not be the best phrasing - maybe growing along different paths?  Growing apart?  That absolutely happens, as kids/teens choose different activities, grow different parts of their personalities, etc.  And my best friend is someone I've known since I was three years old (40+ years ago) - but I know that's not the norm.

I'm not saying the OP's DD handled the situation well, I have no clue.  But thinking that people, particularly children, don't grow apart as they age is bizarre.[/quote]

Nah, it's not a thing.

People changing does not stop you from being friends with them. It might lead to less close friendships, but not stop you from doing something you actually enjoy. You stop being friends because they become too annoying in one way or the other.

I will give you an example: I like watching movies on the couch. I have a friend who thinks it's a boring thing to do. She likes going out with large groups of friends. I dislike most of her friends. We are growing apart in that sense. If she invites me out with her friends I turn her down every time. If I invite her to watch TV, she turns me down almost every time.

However, if I decided I wanted to hangout with her group, she will be thrilled. If she decided she wanted to watch TV with me, I will be thrilled. There is no reason why I would turn her down for an activity that I enjoy. And she won't turn me down fir an activity she enjoys.

In OP's case the other girl was not trying to do something different from what OP's DD already wanted. She wanted to join OP's DD in something OP's DD thought was fun. There is no growing apart there. OP's DD thinks this girl is annoying. Nothing wrong with it, but let's not pretend otherwise.
[/quote]

It's not a thing because of your personal experience?  Because you think people changing doesn't stop you from being friends with them?  Okay.  Sure.  Friends, at least close ones, are more than activity partners.[/quote]

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