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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Holding my boundary. Let him be mad."
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just wow to some posters on this thread. As a former teacher I was often aghast at how little time/attention some parents gave their children. OP does not sound like that at all though. Shame on those who are trying to shame moms who need a few hours to themselves once a week. My mom was one of those martyr types and it was completely unhealthy, she was absolutely miserable, and my parents ended up divorced.... but hey, at least we never had to have a babysitter, right?[/quote] Read again. OP got more than “a few hours” to herself. She’s upset that she’s getting 4.5 hours instead of 5 or wherever they agreed to with their rigid contract. She just CAN’T function without that bit of “her” time and thinks it’s unjust that her husband gets a bit of extra “him” time on one day. OP really doesn’t want to spend an additional half hour with her kid AND really doesn’t want her husband “winning” that prized extra alone time (like that poor kid is a chore). It’s petty and self centered. I bet OP was a bridezilla.[/quote] +1 to me it's that it's a LOT of "me time" (esp if every weekend) and having his conversation in front of DD so it's clear neither parent wants to be with her. Having a sep conversation between adults afterward about how the schedule is working and repeated issues with DH etc would be different. OP is just not that into being mom. Which is her prerogative. But let's not pretend that getting 5 hrs of time to yourself every wknd when you also work FT during the week is the mark of someone who really wants to spend time with their one child.[/quote] This nails it. You see this all the time. Two selfish people can survive marriage because you can continue to be pretty selfish, especially if you are reasonably well off. But add a kid into the mix, and everything falls apart because you have to be so much less selfish. But also, come on, [b]I'm not sure what OP's job is, but even jobs that require a lot of work still afford ample "me time" -- just not many hours in a row. [/quote][/b] F you. I’m a lawyer. I kept my family single-handedly afloat when my husband lost his job. I still make more money. I am the source of health benefits. I work hard for my clients and I have busted my @ss to keep my family stable. -op[/quote] Ha! I can see why you have trouble with your relationship. I'm a private practice lawyer too and the sole earner supporting my family, and yes, even my job affords plenty of flexibility and "me time" during the day. You can't get out for 30 minutes of exercise during the day? You don't surf the internet for little breaks? Come on. Quit being a drama queen. Your life is so easy and you just want to argue with your DH in front of your daughter about 30 minutes of extra time you need to spend with her? By the way, your DH sounds lame, too, so I'm not just blaming you.[/quote] I'm also a lawyer. I get up before the sun so I can work out. Who are these women getting 30 minutes of exercise during the day? I can't work out and then not shower - I'm all sweaty, which is kind of the point. Yes I surf the internet for little break (or to post on DCUM) during the work day, but that's not remotely the same as getting time for a real workout or other activity in. Come on. [/quote] Right, it's hard to find multiple consecutive hours of free time during the working day, and if that's something a person NEEDS for mental health, then that's an extraordinary need and they should take extraordinary actions to get it, like getting up early. Once you have kids, the entitlement to that sort of free time goes out the window, and to act like you are being deprived of some need is overly dramatic. And yes, the little stretches of "me time" during a work day are significant, even if it's not enough time to do a full work and shower. OP needs to buck up. Of course, the real reveal from OP's post above is that she's resentful for having had time as the sole earner and for being the breadwinner. She looks down on her husband and feels entitled to a full Saturday morning without having to interact with her daughter. Hard to have a scrap of sympathy for anyone but her daughter.[/quote]
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