Reply to My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.

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Reply to "My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My sister has a 16-year-old daughter who I am very close with. I take her on outings/excursions, though certainly not weeks-long international trips. I'm trying to imagine a world in which my sister remarried and I was expected to take her new husband's teenagers, who don't even live with her, on the excursions also.

Yeah, no. I will treat them equally in other ways and include them on whole-family vacations, mark their birthdays, give gifts on holidays, etc. It would be a given that a family invitation to my home included them. But, I wouldn't feel like I had to include them in one-on-one long-standing traditions I had with just my niece.[/quote]

They do all live together.  
And I think that the BIL was in his rights to say that this was a long standing tradition with his niece or that taking four teenage girls on a trip would seriously change the dynamic.  That’s not what he said though.  [/quote]

BIL reacted in the proper way to borderline/narcissistic behavior: shut it down in unmistakable terms. Of course that causes problems with other people whose MO is to appease the borderline/narcissist (like OP). Borderline will predictable then attempt to create a wedge. Now it’s up to OP to decide whether he wants to continue playing the appeasement game or not. One thing is true - he cannot force anyone else to appease who doesn’t want to.

Also, anyone who thinks the wife would have dropped the issue if BIL responded more politely is naive. She would have found ways to perpetuate the drama. [/quote]

There is a difference between being polite and being stupid and mean-spirited.

He could have insulted the wife, the person who actually called him. He could have told her " My money, my choice."

Why bring her children into it? Did they call him to whine?

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