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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's absolutely possible to find a husband who doesn't dump all the work on you.  My brother has been a SAHD and is the primary caretaker for his kids (his wife's job requires a lot of travel, he works remotely part time).  My husband and I share childcare equally.  When I drop my kid off at preschool half of those doing dropoff and pickup are Dads.[/quote]

Yeah, it's possible. [b]But there are still norms and averages.[/b]  Most women get shafted, taking on more than the man.  Getting back to OP, though, she is in a situation where its not just inequitable, it's *entirely* on her. Its a rare circumstance where divorce may be the rational solution. He seems to be functionally not really a husband already so formalizing it and moving on seems sensible.  [/quote]

And we've discussed this on here before. On average, men work more hours than women overall, when taking into account both the home and outside work: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/03/14/chapter-6-time-in-work-and-leisure-patterns-by-gender-and-family-structure/

"On average, married fathers’ time in paid and unpaid work totals 55.5 hours per week, 1.4 hours more than that of married mothers."

So, yeah, women don't get shafted. They might work more at home, but, on average, they work fewer hours overall and make less money overall.

On one point, I agree: OP's husband sounds like deadweight and should be booted from her life.[/quote]

That report isn't making the point you seem to think it is making.[/quote]

It definitely is. Married men work more hours than married women. Not as much in the house, but more outside of the house, which more than makes up for the deficit at home.[/quote]

That would be a reassuring explanation, except that women who make more than their male spouses average more housework than women who make equal or less. So the more women work outside the home, the greater their burden inside the home. https://studyfinds.org/women-earn-more-housework/

Look, it's just reality. Men are picking up more at home than in the past, but men dont exactly lean in.  Most people kind of expect this and so men feel justified and women feel glad that the men cover portions of the work.  In no way, though, do most men do an equal amount. [/quote]

I love how you went from "that Pew study doesn't say that married men work more overall" (when it does) to citing another study that addresses a different point. Even if that study does show that women who earn more do more at home, that doesn't mean that the Pew study is wrong. They are measuring different things.

And your conclusion is wrong. Married men do lean in -- on average, they work more hours than married women. You can doubt the study. But if you don't have some criticism of the study, your feelings aren't really a rebuttal.

So yes, that study supports that women do more work at home. This is probably why women feel that they work more overall than men -- because the work that they see (at home) is more, but they don't see the fact that men work more hours outside of the home. Indeed, it looks like women should be doing a LARGER share of the work at home than they are doing.[/quote]

The Pew study finds that the higher leisure time for women is driven solely by male-breadwinner households. In both other types of households, women do indeed have less leisure time. If you are female and working full time and you have minor children, you probably do have less leisure time than your husband. And the fact that women who work part time or SAH are bringing up the overall average for leisure time is not helping you.

And the data on the differing time use profiles of women in male breadwinner households vs men in female breadwinner households really does suggest that men don't not do housework because they work so much, but rather households which have men specialize in paid work do so in part because he wasn't going be doing housework regardless. [/quote]

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