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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think men "should have" to pay. If men want to or a woman wants to only date a man who pays, that's their option.

The reason this issues vexes so many people (there's some variation of this question at least once a month on this forum) is that gender norms are in flux and there is no consensus on what the appropriate roles are. The lack of consensus is evidenced by 18 pages in this thread!

People being people, will cherry pick the gender norms that benefit them. Men and women do this. Men may want to their wife to work, but might expect her to do most of the cooking. Women want to be equal partners, but expect men to pay for dates & ask them out.

I think it's unwise for women to judge men over whether he pays or not, how could he possible know if you're a woman who believes in equal expectations of sexes or some other interpretation of gender roles. So if a guy accepts your offer to pay, I don't think that tells you much other than he's taking your offer seriously.[/quote]

I agree. I am someone who wouldn't date a man who insists on paying but there is no one for him to know that when we first meet. He has no idea if I am into traditional gender norms or if I am into equality. I don't care if he pays or offers to pay or wants to pay. I only have an issue if he resists (beyond basic social politeness) when I pay or offer to pay or want to pay another time. What I care about is his attitude. If he sees women as equal and therefore thinks it is perfectly fine for women to also pay - great. The exact logistics don't matter. of who pays what and when. If he has a no, men should pay and insists on paying because that is the man's role and women's role is to x,y,z (look pretty, cook, clean or whatever) then I have no interest. What I look for is a man who just doesn't care who pays because he seems both people are equals. In my dating pool, that isn't that hard to find. The more traditional, gentlemen types who think men should pay are pretty easy to exclude out as they usually hold other traditional beliefs and that comes through pretty fast. There are also enough traditional women out there who share their values that it isn't that hard to find who you are looking for. [/quote]

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