Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Children are programmed, biologically, to want connection and protection from parents and will believe it's there even when it is not, because believing in it is better for them. Many carry this on to adulthood and will not hear of any criticism against their sainted parents. The cognitive dissonance allows them to be functional and comfortable with other information and situations that are not true or right.

Therapists convincing adult children that their normal parents were bad is not a thing. Not gonna say it never happened! Everything has happened, but some things are exceptional and some things are not. 1) an adult child actually made his way to therapy 2) adult child begins to realize, his upbringing was perhaps not healthy ... 3) ignorant parents assume this growth in the adult child is the fault of an evil therapist intent on exposing their abuse and ruining the facade of their happy family. That's what really happens.[/quote]

There is more than one way to put things into perspective. A different therapist might say, "It sounds like your mother cared about you very much and put a lot of effort into the decisions she made for you. I understand that you are not happy with those decisions, but it sounds like your mother loved you very much." Or "It's quite common for parents to want their children to go to college. It's quite common for parents to impose the family's religion on their children." Etc.[/quote]

That's not how it works. The therapist should not suggest that the parent loved the child or did not love the child. The therapist helps the patient discover their own feelings about whether they felt loved. But look, I tbink you live in a simplistic world in which anyone is influenced by a person, a news story, or a video game or whatever  I cannot relate to you, you must be below the communication threshold for me.[/quote]

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