Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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Reply to "What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The problem is that after an incredibly long and arduous marathon of raising children, which goes on and on and on and on, during which you put your own needs aside FOR YEARS and give your DC your very lifeblood and life's energy, sacrificing absolutely everything for them to the point where you are finally crawling over the finish line on your hands and knees with your youngest -- THEN you're supposed to apologize for your shortcomings and ask for forgiveness??

Are you f'ing kidding me??????[/quote]

Yes. Decent human beings care about others' feelings and apologize when they mess up, even if it was a small thing. This is what you sign up for when you choose to bring a child into the world. Why would it be otherwise? [/quote]

Adult children probably owe their parents some apologies too. Kids cause parents some unfair PTSD, especially during the teenage years. Adult child could say sorry I was such a teen brat and for all the stress and extra expenses it caused you then parents could feel like their effort as a parent were acknowledged.  But to say I was a perfect kid and you f'd me on purpose is bull.[/quote]

I would agree 100% with that last line. It is not a refutation of comment.

I sense that some parents think they deserve points for not intentionally hurting their kids, caring for them even when the kid was very stressful, and doing better than their own abusive parents. No, these things don’t make you a good parent and they definitely don’t absolve you of responsibility for your mistakes. these things, particularly not intentionally hurting your child, are the bare minimum. [/quote]

I'm sorry, but "the bare minimum" in parenting is enough. It's a lot. No one has to be a star parent to be loved or appreciated or thanked for the job they did. Same goes for kids. They don't have to be beautiful or straight A students or popular or good at sports -- they just have to be your kids. That's all. No one should have to jump through hoops in this parent-child relationship. Normal people love each other JUST BECAUSE. Just because their kids are their kids and their parents are their parents. The idea that people have to strive to be "the best" at everything is side stepping the issue, which is that parents love their children and children love their parents back. No one should have to be perfect to receive that love.[/quote]

What a disingenuous response. This post is not about parents having to be perfect. This post is about a parent who is upset that their child went to therapy and is trying to deal with things that happened in their life. No one is saying parents have to be perfect. The issue is the op is the type who thinks their children have to be subordinant to them the rest of the lives and respect them no matter what they do. Op is trying to attack therapy as a root of family disharmony. Op's children need space from her and she is pissed off about that. [/quote]

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