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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why do people think canceling Labor Day weekend is going nuclear? Going nuclear is never talking to them again or suing them for giving out your codes. Canceling Labor Day weekend is taking a step back, putting in boundaries and giving time to rebuild relationships and trust before spending an entire long weekend together in cramped space. [/quote]

OP was clear that the Labor Day gathering is a tradition in the family and something the kids, who are close, look forward to greatly. People here, including me, are saying that canceling that would be punitive toward the kids, who were not involved in the boundary-busting stupidity. Not intentionally punitive, but still, that is how the kids would feel about it, and it is not caving in or being a doormat to say, "This was a bad situation, but we can be civilized for a weekend so the kids aren't punished for the adults' stupidity."

OP and her DH can put in rules and cameras without having to drop out of something that other family members, who were uninvolved in the vacation house nonsense, are expecting to enjoy. OP sounds like she is going to be good at navigating the weekend, and she's already said the LDW is going to happen. [/quote]

The kids will be fine having one Labor Day without cousins. I would revoke their invitation because I wouldn’t want to deal with drama when they try to spin their crappy behavior or act clueless. Agree that stepping back is not going nuclear. I think your reaction also depends on how dysfunctional you are in being a user or a giver. Users are going to squawk no big deal, let them come don’t rock the boat, move on…because they pull crap like this too. Givers that are enablers will advise a go along to get along approach.[/quote]

I think you missed where I said: OP has already posted here that Labor Day will go ahead this year. Discussion's done. And OP's DH is already in the process of dealing with these in-laws re: the boundary-stomping.

Read OP's own posts. She's not going to let them "squawk no big deal" but she also is not going to lose her cool over this and create further drama. Yes, of course the kids can survive one Labor Day without cousins. But why should they have to, if the adults actually act like adults for one weekend together, which is what OP is doing? I swear, DCUM is full of people who turn everything into a hill to die on. OP is not like that. And it's not being an "enabler" or "dysfunctional" for OP and her DH to make the choice they've made. So much pseudo-therapy talk for a situation that is basically this: Change codes, put up cameras, be crystal clear the in-laws were insanely wrong and this isn't forgotten, and never let them use the house again on their own. Done. They are well punished without OP and DH ginning up additional drama about Labor Day. Glad OP is so sensible. [/quote]

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