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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I think you're right not to go nuclear. What your relatives did was outrageous, but if the family relationships are important to all of you, it's worthwhile to find some way to preserve them for the future.

Still, you and your DH also have to find some way to address this directly. Otherwise it will come back to haunt you. We have a family beach house shared between 3 siblings, and it's amazing to me how much tension it causes - and a lot of it seems to involve perceived misdeeds from years ago. Ours is a different situation obviously, but I've realized belatedly that these situations tend to bring out the worst of long-established sibling dynamics.

So change the codes, definitely set up security cameras, and make it clear to the relatives that the parameters for using the house have changed and why that is. Otherwise, I promise you they won't get it, you or your DH will continue to resent them, and the whole thing will fester and get worse instead of better.[/quote]

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