Reply to When to tell kids the truth about their father’s adultery as reason for divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] People experience or hear about a parent telling their child in either an emotion dump or as a way to trash the other parent, and then seem to assume the problem is sharing the issue with the child. It’s not. Everything in a divorce should be done in the best interests of a child. Dumping emotional baggage or getting your child in the middle of a messy divorce is wrong, no matter the topic. Keeping relevant secrets from a child who is emotionally mature enough to handle the topic is wrong too. [/quote]

Agree. I got the worst of all worlds, myself. My mom kept my dad's cheating a secret AND relentlessly trashed him to us as a way of dumping her emotional baggage and extreme rage. She was completely oblivious to the negative effects this had on us.

[/quote]

It would have been better for her to come clean instead of repressing it.  She likely was resentful for carrying that burden and it messed with her mentally...hence the issues she dumped on you.

Honesty and therapy (for betrayed and kids)...and the dipsh*t cheater obviously should have been in therapy a long time ago.[/quote]

DP.

Therapy would probably have helped.

But honesty alone would probably not have changed anything. It's very common for people to stay resentful even after opening up about affairs. This is why the children of these people are insisting that it's better not to share. Many people don't share in healthy ways. Perhaps therapy before sharing? Parhaps tell the children that it is very complicated, and you will get back to them when you have found an appropriate way to explain it all?[/quote]

Many cheaters won't share in healthy ways why they left the marriage. I was the most doting wife and mother, taking care of literally everything in the household. My exH was telling our son that he left because "mom went crazy, she beat me, she lies etc".  My son was left wondering what's going on. 
Cheaters have no integrity and never exit the marriage honestly: they try to take advantage of innocent spouse financially, emotionally and physically (yes, he had sex with me once a week while being in a heated affair )[/quote]

+100

I was watching 'The Staircase' last night and the defense was upset the defendent's history of affairs, visiting websites looking for sex would be admissible in court.  They said it was irrelevant to be a murderer.

The judge ruled against them and said it the affairs and his secret life looking for sex definitely spoke to his character.  The defense was terrified and let down that the man's history of sexually cheating on his wife would indicate that he wasn't who he seemed and that the image he projected was a cover.

People on this forum like to say cheating is a small thing, everyone cheats, blah blah blah and they get angry when anyone tells them it is poor character, lack of integrity and shows someone is a dishonest, liar.

Well- watching the last two shows about real life murders, they heavily took into account a person's cheating as a 'lack of character'.[/quote]

If a person is known to be cheater, it's always brought up in court cases to demonstrate weakness, dishonesty and lack of character.[/quote]

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