Reply to If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If you forgave infidelity, how did you do it?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm wondering if the PP gives herself permission to victimize people in other ways (stealing, bullying, etc.) if they don't meet her standards? If we make our own morality conditional on the morality of others, are we really any better than they are?

I've lurked on OW forums and there is often an obsession with the BW and her supposed sins and vices. Clearly the rationale is "she deserves this because she wasn't a good wife/human." I'm sure it's just a coincidence that the OW who has appointed herself judge and jury is enjoying the fruits of the BW's "karma," right?

Don't twist yourself into a pretzel to justify doing something harmful. If you have the hots for some married guy, tell him to divorce or open up his marriage. Likewise, if you're a cheater, you don't get to sentence your spouse to non-consensual non-monogamy just because you don't have a 100% perfect marriage. Someone else's faults or sins do not justify your own.[/quote]

But this is what they do which is why it's not healthy often to stay with a cheating spouse. And then you get labeled a codependent with self love deficit as if you somehow couldn't stand up for yourself or acknowledge that you have assets in addition to the shortcomings your cheating spouse loves to slam you on when in reality you are just trying to have as healthy a life and the least amount of stress for yourself and your kids. [/quote]

Yes, agree. If the cheating was a one time rodeo where the spouse went down the path of "ooooh, want to have sex with new person, just need to rewrite marital history to justify this" and they quickly return to earth upon discovery and stop trying to vilify you in order to assuage their guilt, then you have a chance of reconciliation. But if they generally treat you like dirt, then no, it's not going to work.

My husband did try to vilify me during his affair, and it was so weird and confusing. I didn't know what was going on but I did see the weird traps he was laying for me, which I easily sidestepped just by remaining calm and considerate. Thankfully it was not the norm in our relationship and it stopped once I learned of the affair. (Incidentally, those bizarre changes in behavior also gave me some confidence in attempting reconciliation . . . if he were a smooth operator I'd be more wary.)[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics