Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Once your H cuts you off, I'll give you 2 years or less before you are banging pigs like me[/quote]

A. My DH and I communicate and treat each other with respect, plus we take our vows seriously and have for 25 years, so
B.  Neither of us will cut the other off, and 
C.  I have self-respect and need to live with myself, so I would ask for a divorce before ever cheating, and 
D.  I know better than to associate with narcissistic pigs.[/quote]

New poster, you come across as really smug.  That's great for you that your marriage is working and remains intimate after 25 years. Others aren't so lucky.  And yes there is luck to some degree in having a long marriage survive happily unless you think all divorced people had it coming

My job is secure from Coronavirus and I have a lot of savings but I don't jump on boards of people struggling financially to tell them how wise I was to pick a career 25 years ago that can survive pandemics.  [/quote]

I’m not the original poster.  She doesn’t sound smug to me.  She sounds normal and says that there are mature ways of handling things.  She also says that she wouldn’t cheat for her own self respect.  Much to recommend her as a persons.  Doing the right thing has nothing to do with your luck/circumstances and a lot to do with how you handle situations.  The guys who are OK with cheating aren’t doing the right thing.  It’s a character issue.[/quote]

With respect, pontificating from high comes across as smug.  She (and you) think you know what you would do in some hypothetical situation where intimacy dried up.  So simple, have a conversation, and if that doesn't work out, divorce!

And if you have financial concerns?  Mortgages that are tight in a good school district that means a divorce will require selling the house and moving to a lesser school?  A special needs kid that requires an extra set of hands? One job that provides health insurance for the whole family?  Suddenly "just divorce" isn't so simple (not that its simple under the best of circumstances).  And until you have lived months, years without physical touch, you don't know what you are talking about.  Sex and reproduction is on the top of the hierarchy of needs right beside food, air, water and shelter (and yes, I understand some people are asexual or low sexual and have no need for it).

And yes, I know there are some people who cheat for variety. My point is you have no idea what people are going through but feel free to sit on your perch from your happy 25 year married and throw stones if it makes you feel better.  You are clearly morally superior to the rest of the people below you.

There but for the grace of God go ye.[/quote]

Respectfully, I do know.  Character comes through when you have to make tough decisions.  It's about self-respect.  [/quote]

NP and a woman here.  I think he did make a tough decision and I agree with it.  I found out my DH was cheating, and now we're divorcing and I'm losing everything -- family, friends, house.  It effing blows.  I wish I hadn't found out and had my hand forced.[/quote]

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