Reply to How can you cheat and not think about how it will affect your kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^ and also how did your relationship with him change?[/quote]

I'm not sure if I'm the PP that you're referencing (my dad died) - but before he did, and after a divorce, I just...didn't trust him with my thoughts and feelings. No he didn't marry AP, he had a string of gfs and was full on midlife crisis for a while there.

Our conversations were stilted.[b] Surface topics[/b]. I basically looked at him sideways all the time - even if just in my own mind. He tried to be the "cool" dad and all I wanted was the sincere dad. [b]I wanted to know that I could trust him [/b]- and I lost that. Our relationship went from me thinking he literally could do no wrong to wondering if he ever really wanted me (at the time). I've since moved past those feelings and grew up but it leaves a scar on your heart if that makes sense. It clouds your relationships that you enter in as an adult - at least it did for me.

I miss him but I don't think of him in the way I think someone would had the events not occurred - it's more a "I wish a had a father that was alive" instead of I wish I had my specific dad. Sounds harsh I know - but this is a fairly anonymous forum so trying to be as honest as possible.[/quote]

NP.  My now Ex cheated.  He thinks he's a great dad, but the same character traits that made him cheat create problems of his own making with the kids.  People who cheat engage in a double-life -- not just with their AP and spouse, but also in various dimensions with all the people in their lives.  It's a key characteristic of cheaters that they monitor how they appear to different people.  Thus, the PPs feeling that she couldn't really talk to him or trust him, because what she found out about his cheating made her realize that he was not the person he held himself out to be.  I see this dynamic between my kids and their father -- the lack of trust and the not knowing more than the front that he creates.  [/quote]

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