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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I think you’re being deliberately vague in some of your offerings. Why you are in therapy might be helpful. Do you have an underlying illness or trauma that is likely to affect your relationship? 
How are your children being cared for if you are both working? 
What is the division of care and chores in your home like? 
Any other issues like IL issues or family issues? [/quote]

OP here. 
1. I started therapy following our two attempts at couples therapy failed (two different counselors, several months with each) . Thought I'd try and work on me and see if I can improve things with that. Stayed in therapy because it seems that I'm human and do have things I should work out better relating my career, age, life choices, childhood... No mental issues, or extremely big dramas in that area. Other than that, I am healthy both physically and mentally. 
2. Our children are being cared for by the both of us. As I've written in other replies, my work is flexible enough that I can be home in the mornings to wake them up, do the routine and  send them out. I'm also there when they get home (although the bigger of the two can and does stay on his own every now and then). I do most the cooking and daily chores. My wife is a great and caring mother, and although she works long hours, is there every evening to see the kids to bed. She comes in as early as she can in the afternoons - although that's not always early. We spend weekends together. We do laundry on weekends. We have a made that helps with the cleaning once a week. We have parents that pitch in and help when needed. The house is well run, and there's nothing special about that. Many working parents make it happen. 
3. We both care for the kids and do chores. It's not equal (but then again, it never really is). In terms of time and perhaps work... I do more. But that's because I'm privileged enough to have the opportunity.  There have been years when she did more. Generally speaking, we share the load and neither of us can take credit for doing it alone. Nor do we want to. 
4. No real family of health issues. We did want more children but could not get there... however, we have two healthy kids, and are both in good health. We're not rich by any standard, but we both bring in a good income. We own our home and basically live the life we wanted to live in terms of standard of living.

If there was an obvious underlining reason to our hardships... we probably would have found it. At least with some help. But sometimes relationships of 20+ years are not as easy and obvious as "you" (just a matter of speech) may think... and things go South. [/quote]

Hmm. Maybe she is stressed out and does not working 60 hours a week in her 40s. Can she make a change or downshift?[/quote]

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