Reply to Closed Adoption and found the birth mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][i]My sister had a closed adoption and the birth mother was adamant she didn't want to be contacted. [b]My sister took the Ancestry DNA test and found close relatives like cousins and siblings. She's been messaging them and they are upset, have no knowledge of the birth and don't want her to contact them. An older woman told my sister she had no right to do this. She has no way to message the birth mother directly.

Any advice? I think since it was a closed adoption she should only message the birth mother and not the rest of the family. My parents think this woman has no right to privacy in 2018 and her entire family should know about her teenage birth and don't care about any consequences if her children or husband or parents find out. I see both sides. I feel for this woman who was a young teen when she had the baby and chose adoption over abortion under the condition that it was a closed adoption. And then I feel for my sister who wants a new family. [/quote]

Just because it seems no one in the newer posts can read, please read the bolded, direct.y from the original post.

The birth mother did not want to be contacted. That’s what “adamant she didn’t want to be contacted” means.

Seems like English. Although, I suppose the educational system is failing.

Then, to make it MORE CLEAR, the family is saying they don’t want the adoptee to contact them.

I don’t even understand the question. Because you don’t “feel” like these people have a right to privacy, doesn’t mean intruding in their lives is the right answe. [/quote]

I am one of the posters you are referring to. And, yes, I can read.  It says that the biological mother “was” adamant  but does not say anything about now, decades later. Also, I am wondering how the original poster knows that the mother was adamant about this.   Either way, I do not see any problem with a person reaching out to their biological parent if they can identify them, and seeing where it goes. No, the biological parent does not need to respond, and, as with all interactions, continuing to contact in the face of rejection Ken in some circumstances be harassment or worse.  There is a world of difference between reaching out once, and harassment. Not the same thing at all. Nobody can point to anything that reflects the biological mothers wishes any time over the past several decades.  And if the biological mother has any sense, she is well aware that she gave up a child and that the child will be able to locate her with current technology. It is not as though this would be a surprise. 
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