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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just a FYI I think Mary does work. As a waitress. They're usually pretty long and tiring jobs.

Everything we know was fabricated by the OP. Even if her story was true, we only have her perspective and there's validity in offering a different view of what the real dynamics might have been like.

By the way I'd rather that Thelma's estate was settled on Mary so that she doesn't go on welfare and the rest of us have to subsidy her through our taxes. Maybe if the fictional Thelma had given the fictional Mary the kind of tough love you received from your parents Mary wouldn't be in this current situation. But then again, it's a fictional story so what's the point speculating anymore?

By the way, your post just made me realise how much I am grateful for my loving parents and for when they supported me in times of difficulties (and my siblings too) and how they forgave us our mistakes. I've attempted to return their generosity. Other than the vacations I paid for, they've rejected the financial offers and keep saying it's what a family does. And I've learned from that. And we're an even stronger and more loving family now and we don't take it for granted either. That approach works for us although I'm sure it wouldn't work for everyone.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I suspect someone is a little defensive, no? Why are you so bothered when an anonymous person calls an anonymous person in what now seems likely a fictional story a bitch on an anonymous forum?

If the family was genuinely dysfunctional then I think there's merit in being generous to Mary. Life is too short to be bitter.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not sure why you feel so strongly enough to call another poster an absolute idiot and claim it's the dumbest thing you have ever read, simply for suggesting that it's possible Thelma wasn't all cracked up as a mother, unless you have anger issues of your own. I love my mother, we have a wonderful relationship, which is why I find Thelma's behavior a bit odd. Maybe I just don't understand dysfunctional family dynamics.

But it's pretty clear OP spun out a fictional story so all this angst is meaningless. We've given her a lot of amusement along the way and it's probably time to bring it to an end.

[quote=Anonymous]

You are an absolute idiot. This is one of the dumbest things I have ever read and reeks of projection. You should see a therapist about your anger and resentment issues. Or maybe you just need a good cry to let it all out. Let me guess, mommy didn't love you enough or breast feed you long enough?[/quote][/quote]

I think calling a woman a bitch, that you have never met, over and over again, is idiotic, and reads as very stupid.

And yes, there are a lot of dysfunctional families in America, and until you have lived in one, or have lived with children that push you past your limits, you will never understand what it takes to survive in that family. And that is not a knock on you. But the problem with a lot of people is because they can't relate to something, they simply believe it doesn't exist. Which is moronic in itself. It would be like me saying, "I can't imagine being gay, so they must not exist" or "they can be changed, with just enough therapy or religion"....[/quote][/quote]

Not defensive at all. It's an opinion. It was a post, simply meant to bash someone else. It is stupid. And the fact that it was a dysfunctional family is created by the fact that Mary was lazy and felt that she was too good to be in the workforce and work her way up, like most other people do... You know, building a career and not being handed something you haven't earned. I realize that might be a foreign concept to some people. And those people typically end up in the same situation as Mary. That doesn't mean that someone else should be "morally" responsible for bailing them out again.

Full disclosure, I was probably the Mary in this story. I was entitled, lazy, and didn't like working crappy jobs. My family disowned me when I dropped out of college. They didn't just let me sit on my ass. And because of this tough love, I went on to earn two degrees (which I paid for through student loans - which I am still obviously paying back). I have a successful career, and I don't live off my parents. Furthermore, my parents have made it very clear, that my brother, my sister, and I will not inherit anything. My parents are donating their estate to charity. And I am totally fine with that. But I guess that makes my parents assholes and bitches for not leaving their kids anything.

Simple fact of the matter is this. Parents don't owe their grown children anything. They spent tons of money raising them, trying to teach them values, caring for them, and than the child is supposed to grow up and go off into the real world. The obligation ends there. So, I really don't see why everyone believes that there is some moral standard to take care of 50 year old Mary.

Mary has two degrees. So obviously, she is a capable and intelligent person. Mary's problem is that she is spoiled, entitled, and no one held her accountable for her choices, which allowed her to end up where she is now.

If I were OP, I would evict Mary without hesitation. She had her whole life to figure out that she needed to be a responsible, contributing member of society. She chose not to. Anything that is happening to her, is her fault.

Change the narrative. You live in a country full of people who are outraged at the Affordable Care Act because they don't believe that they should have to pay money for less fortunate people to afford healthcare. Yet, everyone wants to say that OP should pay to take care of Mary by settling an estate? Come on. All of a sudden, there is moral responsibility when it isn't hitting your wallet?

Please.[/quote][/quote]

You sounds like a good son/daughter. But how do you think your family would react if you weren't grateful and never learned? At what point, would they say enough is enough? I think that it's great that your family dynamic works that way, but I am sure that you had a role in that as well, by being successful enough to pay for vacations and offer money to show your gratitude. But, obviously, not all sons and daughters are that way. And when they are not, there is an immense stress and pressure put on the parents. They have to make decisions that are difficult because they love their children, but they can't just keep allowing them to fail.

I know that the decision to kick me out of the house crushed my parents. But, really. What were they supposed to do?

All I am saying is that the situation with Thelma and Mary is completely plausible. I know because I have been there. So, to call Thelma a bitch for finally saying, enough is enough, is IMO, stupid and idiotic. Parents get to choose spouses, but not offspring. And as much as they try, the offspring does not always turn out the way you wanted. And when that happens, sometimes you cut ties... Or in this case, gift the house to the kid you actually think deserves it.[/quote]

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