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[quote=Anonymous]my dad had an affair when I was a pre-teen/young teen. It was with someone both my parents knew, and that he had known for years. I later found out it was not his first affair. My parents marriage was completely dysfunctional, and I can understand that my dad wanted out. But he didi it in a horrible way. My mom who was emotionally unstable completely lost it and my dad was not around to help out and suddenly I was dealing with a crazy, suicidal person. My parents clearly didn't read anything about how to divorce with kids, so dad moved in right way with girlfriend (and then went to brazil for month) and mom demonized my father for the next, oh, 30 years. She still does it. Lots of rancor and bitterness and made it horrible for the children, we were always being in a position to pick sides, dad tried to force us immediately into his new configuration and didn't want to acknowledge the pain he had caused because it meant ackowledgnign his selfishness.

30 years later, he is still with his now wife, former AP. They are content, but I am not sure he is happy. She is less emotionallyunstable in some ways than my mom, and she is very rich, which makes life easier for them, but she has real anger problems and has caused a lot of angst over the years in terms of his relationship with his kids.

The very poor way both parents split and handled the divorce meant that my brother essentially married th first person who would give him the time of day--a very damaged woman and now that is ending, very badly for him, and I had years of bad relationships before getting a lot of therapy and getting married at 38.

I do not see things in black and whte--my parents were deeply unhappy and unsuited to each other, and had a very bad model of a relationship, so some of the problems stem from that. But it would have benemuch better had they separated when I was younger and worked out a real parenting plan. Instead, my mother got to demonize my father, and my father fled into the arms of another woman without facing up to his responsibilities to his kids.

So, how did it work out? okay for him, not so great for the kids. [/quote]

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