Reply to Husbands with SAHMs that prefer they work

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Please don't resent my husband, even though he has a wife with her own career and life, and mutually agreed on great childcare with her.  Our kids are too old now for childcare, and I'm so glad I didn't waste my potential SAH. And we have millions, too, so no, we didn't continue working just for the money. Kids do not need parental care 24/7 to be "optimized" as people; I do not at all agree that sharing childcare with paid caregivers is "clearly a step  down."[/quote]

I'm the original previous poster you're quoting -- of course "[k]ids do not need parental care 24/7 to be 'optimized' as people."  That is a straw man.  But if you are working a full time job, we are talking about putting little kids -- babies even -- in the care of someone else during the vast majority of their waking hours.  That is not "sharing childcare with paid caregivers."  That is having someone else -- a stranger -- raise your children.  And in my observation, that stranger typically doesn't love your child as much as a parent, and is not as well educated or thoughtful.  If you believe that that is as good as having a parent raise the child, you are either delusional or have little confidence if the abilities of the parents to raise children.

And in light of that, to brag about the fact that you worked and had your children raised by others despite "hav[ing] millions," seems particularly selfish.  But that is your decision to make, obviously.[/quote]

[b]So it's okay for you, as a man with a SAHW, to pursue career and other personal goals for 40+ hours a week, because your spouse is the caregiver?  That's how you satisfy yourself that your kids don't need more of you?
[/b]
I am also guessing your 3 children are young. My youngest is 14, and so I can see how my relationship with them is going to turn out, or glimmers of it. Despite using 50 hours a week of paid childcare for more than 8 consecutive years, my kids are turning into fabulous people with good interpersonal relationships. [/quote]

I'd be happy to spend more time with my kids and my wife.  One of us has to work though, and we chose me.  Obviously, if my wife worked full time outside of the house, we would barely have any parent time with the kids.  Given how little time kids are awake and engaged at a young age, it seems crazy to have the vast majority of that time go to daycare workers, nannies, whatever.  That just seems wrong to me, but if your kids are "fabulous people," then I guess it worked out just fine for you.

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