Reply to S/O Elder care for parents who didn't provide child care

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[quote=Anonymous]The challenge is that OP and DH's families have different work ethics and sets of values.  OP's family worked hard and helped her get in a good career path.  In turn, she wants to do the same for her child.  It sounds like her parents are financially independent as well.  She works hard and envisions a similar lifestyle for her family.

DH's family does not work hard and is not responsible for themselves.  They have an attitude of entitlement.  OP's childcare point is not that she expects it from MIL- but rather it is something within the MIL's capability of doing and she chooses not to do so. She also chooses not to work. But she is quick to put her hand out. I also find it sad that emotionally she doesn't WANT to babysit her own grandchild, even occasionally.

OP knows that helping the ILs will come at the expense of her own family and values. That is tough.

Absolutely in-laws should not move in.  FIL cannot retire yet.  He is capable of working now, so he works. Too bad that his friends are retiring - he can't. In-laws should have to face some consequences.  They also should sell the house and downsize into a more affordable place, using any equity as a nest egg.  Any financial assistance that OP and DH provides should come with strings attached that require more responsible behavior now- example: help with moving fees for the downsizing in exchange for cooperation in meeting with a financial planner.

As others have pointed out, the really tough scenario is a destitute situation.  OP try to do what you can to head that off now. I also agree with others that you will probably have to help them down the road when one or both are sick, etc.  I'd start planning for it now.  The reality is that you aren't probably going to have as many resources for your family as you would have if DH's family were more responsible.[/quote]

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