Reply to Defaulted into main breadwinner

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Defaulted into main breadwinner"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, your post is honestly just bitter and hate filled. You married a person. Not a job or a static situation. A person. After that, you had two children together. Those enormous changes impact who that person is. It sounds like your wife is a great mom who takes care of the kids wonderfully during the day. She expects your help when you come home. That is appropriate. Her staying home should not make her 100% responsible for child care. You take a turn when you come home because it is not a job, it is loving and caring for your children. You need to develop some respect for the person you married, or you are right, it is really over between the two of you. You can't force someone to never change or to want different things. But you can control your reaction. If you had been honest with your wife about your feelings and expectations, I doubt she ever would have had children with you. Nobody wants that kind of controlling personality. And you should never have had children if you were going to resent the impact their lives had upon your own. You need to grow up.

Signed, a full time working mom.[/quote]
[b]His wife forced him to become a 100% breadwinner without consulting or discussing him and HE is controlling and needs to grow up? For real?[/b]
His wife needs to develop some respect for her husband before treating him like an ATM or a wordless donkey who is just there to pull the cart without questioning its mistress.[/quote]

If you read what OP has actually said, his wife lost her job and the new ones she could find would be a wash after childcare. Their CIRCUMSTANCES are dictating their choice, which is true of most families where the wife SAH, although many women decide to describe it as their "calling" and something they do because they "couldn't stomach having someone else raise their children" and "#blessed."  That aside, OP had no business having kids with a woman who did not earn enough to work after having children if it was such a complete and utter deal breaker and he would be furious if left to earn the income for the family. OP's wife could have or may die, and he will be left earning the income. She could be injured critically, etc. etc. etc. They could get divorced, she could get full custody, and he would still have to pay child support. This is the risk you assume when you have children, and if you want some kind of "guarantee" that it will not happen, you better at least be marrying a top paying professional who would be giving up a sizeable salary, so at least the numbers would be in your favor.  OP, right now your financial situation is not impacted by your wife staying home. You probably could not afford to pay a nanny to do all the cleaning cooking and taking care of the kids after you get home. You need to internalize and accept that reality. Talk with your wife about changes that can be made once the kids start school that you will not be paying for. And do her a favor and start exploring your exit plan. You will divorce, share custody, and still be financially responsible for your children, only your income will be divided to two households. [/quote]

OMGGGGGG.  She did not lose her job, she quit.  He doesn't have a problem with being financially responsible for his children.  He has a problem with being financially responsible for HER (which he will not be for long if they do split - it's hard to get alimony as an able-bodied adult) while she isn't holding up her part of the bargain.  It boggles my mind how anyone could defend a woman who made a unilateral decision to stop working.  What if all your meal tickets (ie, husbands, for those who can't keep up) did that?  Where would you be then?[/quote]

I have NEVER been able to quit a job without another job. NEVER!

And when I watch all the women SAH in our neighborhood drop off the kids and head off for the morning walk or exercise you realize feminism is not about equal work.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics