Reply to When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage

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Reply to "When the kids go to college, I'm out of this loveless and affectionless marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was like OP's wife for a long time because even though DH thought he was stepping up to the plate, he really wasn't. I was the default parent, despite also having a full-time job. I was also the one who did the pick ups, cooking, shopping, bathing and most bedtimes. DH thought that because he was bringing home a pay check, played with the kids a few minutes a day (after he got home from work at 8pm), and bought me presents for my birthday, he was a great husband and dad. He just did not get all the million things I kept in my head and on the calendar to keep the house running and the kids clothed, fed, educated, healthy, and entertained.

Yes, so I had very little energy emotional or physical for my husband. He just didn't observe or try to take over all the hundreds of things I did or appreciate the fact that I could not spend another 20 minutes at work responding to emails because I had to get the kids from school and start dinner.

After many arguments and the decision to hire a housekeeper and a nanny (both of whom I manage, by the way), I am happier. DH has stepped up, but is still far from an equal partner.

OP, I suggest that you figure out why your wife is unhappy. She may not want to talk to you because she is afraid, as I was, that whenever she brought up her unhappiness she would get yelled at about how much fathers are unappreciated. But JUST LISTEN. ABSORB. DO NOT GET DEFENSIVE. [/quote]

X2.  But op cannot understand this and this is why he keeps posting under various personalities, the latest of which is a "mom".  He wants to argue for days on end, but take a step back and analyze his behavior?  Hello no!

Anyway, I so agree with you.  That's why if anyone tried to take my feelings and shove them to the side while lecturing me about how fathers are "unappreciated" (which I totally disagree with- fathers are practically deified in our culture even when they do barely anything for the kids/wife) I would laugh in his face.  I'm glad you've figured out a system that works for you though[/quote]

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