Reply to Can’t get husband to help with Easter.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

[b]If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa[/b]. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP. [/quote]

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy. [/quote]

[b]Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. [/b]Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't. [/quote]

That's literally what I said. [/quote]

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.[/quote]

This seems like a recipe to stop having sex post menopause. [/quote]

Or even earlier! Like with every transaction, if you want the pro quo, you’ve got to provide the quid.[/quote]

I guess.  If you lose your libido earlier and the deal in your marriage is that both people just do the things they want to do and no one does anything just to make the other person happy, then the sex ends whenever one person loses their libido.  [/quote]

There's help for your low libido. Stop blaming your spouse.[/quote]

Why would I get help to do something I don’t want to do?  And what does this have to do with my spouse?  He does the things he wants to do.  I do the things I want to do.  [/quote]

Then you don't have low libido. You're just asexual.[/quote]

Sure.  There are weeks that I am asexual, and I suspect that I will be mostly asexual after menopause.  I know that I was after childbirth.  
So what?  Why would my spouse care?  He can take care of things alone.  It’s easy enough.  Why would he expect me to participate?  [/quote]

Look lady, nobody cares if you want to eff your husband or not. You had kids with him so he was good enough at some point and you decided to make kids with him. Nobody cares about how dried up you are now.[/quote]

And no one cares about whether or not you feel pastel Easter candy properly symbolizes the holiday.  Sometimes you just do things your spouse cares about because it’s part of being a good partner.

Don’t be surprised and don’t blame your wife when your inability to care about purchasing the candy she wants for the kids leads to her inability to care about having sex with you.  This is the relationship and the marriage you built.

[/quote]

You tried so hard to make a point, and failed miserably. I'm a wife, btw. We're not all as dumb and useless as you are.[/quote]
  
If you are ever having sex that you don’t want to have with a man who can’t be bothered buy you pastel m&m’s at Easter, you should be in therapy to figure out why your self-esteem is so low.

[/quote]

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