Reply to Tension with Wife's Family over Finances

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[quote=Anonymous]You and your wife have to decide as a couple how your new family, the two of you together, view and value money. It is now your collective wealth (absent terms of a prenup), and you both need to agree on what and how you spend. Work it out together.

If you don't have a pre-nuptial, you need to absolutely get out of your head that your father in law is dining on your grandfather's dime. That is extremely disfunctional thinking. If you and your wife want to make sure that your inheritance or part of it only goes to assist people on your side of the family, you can decide together set up a trust fund for that purpose and then the lines are clear.

As for dealing with either side of the family that has expectations or disagrees with the values and choices you and your wife make together, it simply is not their call or choice (except for actual obligations you have to them, like paying back your wife's loans; very bad form to reneg on that).

When you are invited to a vacation or dinner, go in knowing what the others expect in terms of payment as you would with anyone,  and accept or not knowing ahead what you will have to pay.

Before accepting an invite, discuss it. Before paying for a nephew's education or a parent's car repair, discuss it and come to an agreement with each other as spouses. None of that should be automatic on your part.[/quote]

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