Reply to If you don't want sex, then shouldn't YOU be the one to leave and divorce?

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Reply to "If you don't want sex, then shouldn't YOU be the one to leave and divorce?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would force my spouse into therapy to figure out what we could do to have sex again. Choreplay? Romantic dates? Hormone replacement therapy?

I’m female and wouldn’t be okay with my dh not having sex with me. Once a week is bare minimum.[/quote]

Good luck with that. How do you force someone into therapy? And they can go there and play with their thumbs if they don't care. The problems are usually far beyond lack of sex.

When you are in an otherwise healthy and thriving relationship and your spouse notices the difference in sexual appetite, you wouldn't have to force them into anything. They'd be communicating things they have tried because they are concerned that you are not getting what you need.

When you feel like you have to tell them to seek remedies even though they clearly know you are going without and have not bothered to bring it up, there is already a deeper issue than sex.[/quote]

Exactly. So just talk to your wife and get divorced. Clearly there’s not a sense of love and respect in a relationship as described above.

What’s the point of staying married and cheating when you could just divorce and date as much as you like without having to lie about what you're doing? [/quote]

1) Maintain the illusion of marriage and stable home for children/family/society
2) Avoid dividing up the net worth
3) The spouse wanting sex may be willing to stay in an otherwise close marriage if he or she can get sex elsewhere in a DADT situation.[/quote]

So, this is dumb. If sex is that big a deal to you that you feel you need to cheat if you can’t have sex with your partner, then you should divide everything up so you can both live your lives separately. It is rude and insulting to your spouse to stay in a marriage where you are so unhappy you need to cheat just so you don’t have to “divide up your net worth.”

Come on, be an adult. 
[/quote]

It's more complex than that. What if he doesn't want to split up either, say, while his very Catholic parents are still alive? What if he's happy that I do 75% of the household work, lazy enough that he's willing to look the other way while I have my needs met so long as I don't upset his apple cart?[/quote]

If he is willing to look away, as in you have had the discussion and told him you are going to seek it elsewhere, that is not cheating. That is an open marriage.

If you are conveniently assuming he is willing to look away when you are not certain, that is cheating.[/quote]

He discovered some evidence of me cheating and chose not to confront me. How does this gray area fit into your analysis?[/quote]

You cheated. That's like saying you beat up your spouse, and they chose to ignore so it is a gray area. Nothing gray about that.
[/quote]

NP. No, it is not the same. Are you young? I just can’t figure out you people who think marriage is black and white. Marriage is a commitment including a commitment to stay in it, good and bad. Do I want my partner to cheat? Of course not. But if I wasn’t able or willing to have sex for a long period of time, and I knew he was struggling with it, I would not begrudge him a dalliance as long as our marriage and family remained his first priority… but dear lord, I don’t need to know about it. [/quote]

That worked out so well for Bill and Melinda Gates. Or for Bill and Hillary Clinton 🙄.

If marriage is his first priority, he will have an honest conversation with you first because he knows the marriage is more important than the sex. And even if the marriage were to fail after that conversation, he knows that respect and relationship with his family is more important than the sex. But when sex is the first priority, one seeks sex first and then asks for forgiveness from everyone who is hurt in the thrill seeking  But then it's never enough for people who make sex their first priority. They will make it their priority over the dignity of the presidency. They will make it their priority over the imorality of dealing with pedophiles. They will make it their priority over 5M dollar coaching contracts.

Cheaters are sex addicts. 
[/quote]

You do realize we know nothing about these marriages, right? It obviously did work out for the Clintons as they’re still together and by any estimates, have had a full life together- good and bad- that is unimaginably rich (in the emotional and intellectual sense, not just $ but they have that too).

And gates- seems like it was Epstein that broke them up, not cheating. But again, we have no idea. And I’m not crying for Melinda gates either. [/quote]

Ewwww. Can we claim a marriage where a woman is physically abused could have worked because the woman did not leave? There is no much difference in the Clinton's case.

Sleeping with a young intern when you are almost 50 in the most important office in the country is nasty and predatory behavior.

Why do you think Bill went to Epstein? He wanted more sex. He had cheated and it was not enough. Not crying for Melinda Gates or even Hillary Clinton for that matter. These are phenomenal women living their lives. It does not change the fact that they were married to nasty sex addicts who put sex above their everything( STD for Meinda? Ewww). That's not a valuable marriage. There is no point in pretending to be attracted to a predator. That part of their lives was ( for Melinda) and is ( for Hillary ) sad and pathetic, no matter how " rich" the rest is.

If these couples were actually open about the sexual needs of each other and opening about solutions, perhaps there could have been accountability, responsibility around an open marriage. But most of these types have a DADT and the addicted spouse keeps pushing the boundaries further and further until they get caught in predatory territory. [/quote]

Again you have no idea what went on in these marriages. Hillary might have cheated too but obviously they decided to stay together. Most mature people understand there is a hell of a lot more to marriage than sex. These are two brilliant ambitious people who clearly love each other and have built a life together. Who are you to judge why they stayed together?? You sound like an idiot

[/quote]

Brilliance does not erase abuse, addiction, and predation.

You can be a brilliant sexual deviant. [/quote]

You sound mentally ill. Clearly they’re happy with the choices they made. Why do you care? [/quote]

Here you are responding eventhough you don't care...[/quote]

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