Reply to Breaking up with my toxic mom group (Ashley Tisdale essay)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hilary Duff's husband just responded lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fauxmoi/comments/1q61jgw/matthew_koma_hilary_duffs_husband_getting_in_on/[/quote]

Oh, this is how you know Tisdale is spot on in diagnosing this group as toxic. Look how *invested* Hilary's loser husband is in some petty ass drama. Huge red flag.

The biggest Queen B I've ever encountered, through a hobby I was involved in, had an attack dog, er, *husband* like this. He'd spread rumors about the women in the hobby that his wife viewed as threats or didn't like for whatever reason. Like he'd talk $hit about some woman he barely knew while having drinks with this group, just because his wife had told him privately that said woman was "jealous" of her. It was so deeply immature.

I abandoned that group for a whole host of reasons but one of them was that my DH very quickly recognized how toxic they were and was like "uh, I do not want to hang out with these people." He's a very stand up guy and a good judge of character, and could see the writing on the wall well before I could. So glad I'm not married to a messy b***h who loves drama instead.[/quote]

Can I be the devil's advocate for a minute?

I'm a woman with two teen daughters, so my husband has heard of/seen some drama over the years. The only times he's gotten upset are when something was said that wasn't true. If someone acted like a jerk (or a toxic person if you want to tie it to this), then his reaction would mostly be well you made your bed so now go lie in it. However, when someone didn't actually do anything but nonetheless was treated poorly by someone, that's when he would have a reaction. (He didn't go on Twitter or wherever this husband did obviously).

So what I'm saying is that yes, it's possible that Hilary's husband is just as toxic as she has been accused of being and he's furthering her agenda. But it's also possible that the reverse is true and he thinks what's being said is untrue and unfair and that's why he's mad. Just my two cents. I don't know which one is true because I don't know him and I assume you don't either. I just don't think you know which one it is. I mean, someone ain't telling the truth here.[/quote]

This would be compelling if Ashley Tisdale had published an essay about how Hillary Duff is a bad person or had done XYZ. That's not what happened.

Tisdale's essay was about her own experience. She doesn't name names. And most of the article is not even a criticism of the specific behavior of any particular woman, but more an indictment of certain friend dynamics where people are passive aggressive about conflicts and just exclude someone and then lie about it or claim it was an accident. So at least from the essay, you wouldn't get the sense that any of these women had done something super aggressive or mean to Tisdale, but more that Tisdale had just been excluded from the group in a passive aggressive way which is not the most mature or kind way to deal with a conflict with a friend.

So actually I feel VERY comfortable saying that Duff's husband's post, in which he photoshopped his own head onto Tisdale's body and then calls Tisdale, personally, tone deaf and attention seeking, was completely out of line and mostly just serves to make a lot of us who were like "huh I wonder who that's about, I guess it could be one of these famous women but also maybe not" to think "oh Hillary Duff is a mean girl Queen B and her husband apparently is too." Like this in no way defends his wife from criticism and instead just proves they are petty and mean.[/quote]

That's fair. I was more reacting to the fact that the PP said that it was disgraceful that her husband was involved at all but I could see my husband wanting to take up for me if he thought I was wronged by someone (which he would not do if he thought I was guilty of or at least a party to what had happened). But my husband would not post an altered picture on social media (or make a social media post at all, he doesn't have accounts).

I do think sometimes the husbands of reality TV stars do want to stand up for their wives and sometimes have done so in respectful ways. I think that's fine, and I don't think it's ridiculous for them to want to defend their wives when they feel they've been wronged. But I'll give you that the way he did this was gross.[/quote]

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