Reply to 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, ignore the mean comments here. I'm a 39F, single mom, who could stand to lose a few pounds and I get dozens of matches a day.

I didn't look through the thread to see if you posted what's on your profile, but my advice:

1. Remove filters NOT because you need to lower your standards, but because most people don't bother filling out their profile all the way. So you'll miss out on people who don't have things filled out 100%.

2. Slightly sexy photos. You don't want to be overtly sexy (turn off for many serious men), but you do want to look beautiful/pretty/etc. Think more girly, sundresses, curled hair. Play up your best feature. Learn how to pose, hire a photographer if needed. My first picture on my profile is me in leggings and a T-shirt, but I have my hair/makeup done VERY well and I'm holding a pen in my mouth so slightly suggestive.

3. Don't lead with a bunch of requirements in your profile, like "I want a man who wants kids blah blah blah". Nobody wants to feel like a broodmare/stallion. The kids conversation comes up later on, after a few dates.

Instead put in things for men to comment on, that make you stand out. The "two truths and a lie" prompt is a good one, along with any unique hobbies, things you collect, etc. I like to give things for men to guess so they have a reason to match/write, so I'll say something like "I collect memorabilia from a popular 90s sitcom" and men write me to guess which one.

4. Pay for Premium and only go through men who have already swiped right on you. I get like 300+ men who swipe right on me a day, there's plenty to go thru and your chances of finding someone goes WAY up.

Good luck! [/quote]

How is 300+ a day possible? Are some of these swipes repeats? Are some of these men based in different locations than you?

*I've never used a dating app so sorry if this is a dumb question. Demographics wise, I'm just wondering how this adds up...well you said you don't use filters..is that how you get 300+?[/quote]

The only settings I have are ages 25-45, within 60 miles, and absolutely no smoking/cannabis use/heavy drinking.

I also don’t go through and swipe. I just check out who has already swiped right on me. Way more efficient and worth the $30 a month.

Yes, 95% of them aren’t men I’m interested in. But I still get 10-20 a day who are men I’d actually be interested in going on a date with.

From there, I don’t talk to anyone who doesn’t reach out to me first. And I unmatch anyone who starts with lame things like “hey” or if the conversation fizzles out quickly. [/quote]

How many dates have you been on?[/quote]

2-3 a week usually.[/quote]

Is it in dmv or a larger urban center and what size of population ? Which site ?

In my experience 47 yo F the 2-3 dates a week would last for a month or so, then all that crazy swiping subsides. If I don’t choose anyone from that batch, the site database would dry up. And I would need to preview the new joining men profiles to give likes myself
[/quote]

Tinder. Not the DMV, smaller urban area. Tinder.

It’s really worth it to pay for the premium features - I have Platinum so I’m one of the first profiles featured. There’s a constant influx of new people signing up so I haven’t run out of matches. [/quote]

Oops, my second sentence got cut off. Meant to say Tinder is the best app, because pretty much everybody who is on Bumble/Hinge/etc is also on Tinder.[/quote]

Are you looking for marriage /LTR? I was told by several men on match and hinge who were looking for serious that they stopped using Tinder or never used it. I got under the impression that the men considered it was low class if a woman was on Tinder. A sign of multiple partners etc. Some men from hinge specifically asked if I was using Tinder and I had to reassure I wasn’t

[/quote]
Youre better off rejecting those men. They sound insecure and controlling, and not someone you actually want to date. [/quote]

No, I disagree actually. One of the areas of compatibility is similar attitude to sex. I’ve had 12 partners in a lifetime as a woman so I’m not a virgin. But I had sex with men I felt a strong emotional connection with. A guy who thinks sex is just a physical need and who has no problems f…g multiple women in parallel with me won’t be a good match for me [/quote]

Girl I hate to break it to you but if a woman went on a first date and asked a man if he had Tinder, she would rightfully be labeled as insecure, controlling, and psycho. Men don’t get a free pass for controlling behavior.

You can also view sex as very emotional and never pry into someone’s sexual history. I dated a man who also viewed sex as very emotional, and not once did we ever talk about our past partners. He just explained sex was emotional for him and he wanted to take things slow. Easy peasy. He also didn’t demand that I *not* have sex while we were waiting for him to be emotionally ready, because that would be controlling and unfair to me.

What’s not okay is to pry into someone’s personal business when you’ve been on like 3 dates, and not okay to dictate someone’s sexual behavior when you’ve only been on a couple dates. That’s psycho. [/quote]

Not really. People ask each other on first dates rather casually which apps they use. I would prefer not to date a man who tells me in the open they dated a bunch of 20+ years younger men; men with over 100 partners etc. I would expect them to stop sleeping with FWB and take STD testing and 3 weeks rest in between that partner and me, for my sexual safety.
I know I have very unrealistic standards and this is why I’m single but I just can’t force myself to sleep with a man if I think he was f…g somone else a night before. Condoms are not a 100% protection [/quote]

Totally reasonable to expect people to stop sleeping with FWB, and get an STD test before sleeping with them.

But having Tinder does not mean someone is sleeping with a new partner every night, that they will cheat, or that they will refuse an STD test. Having Tinder is relatively standard for single adults.

Again, it comes down to communication. You can either communicate openly “I want exclusivity and an STD test”, or you can play weird games where you ask people vague questions like what apps they are on and disqualify them based on what is probably completely innocent.

Personally, I would lose my mind if I dated somebody who beat around the bush like that. Just talk to me upfront. I have zero problem explaining to men that I am happy to be sexually exclusive once we have established commitment. [/quote]

Many men wouldn’t commit to a women with lots of partners who is trading sexual encounters between all of them until one commits 
[/quote]

It's not normal for women to brag to men they are dating about the other men they see.  Most women are discreet.  Some women are good communicators and will ask for commitment/exclusivity before intimacy; some are bad communicators and may want exclusivity but won't ask for it. They will instead assume the man they are seeing doesn't want exclusivity until he brings it up, so they, too, will keep their options open.  [/quote]

Great job discretely  avoiding my question. If a man says he wants to be exclusive and asks for unprotected BJ, what do you do ? You ask for commitment in general or just ask if he’s sleeping with others ?[/quote]

Exclusivity and mutual tests. [/quote]

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