Reply to If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?

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[quote=Anonymous][size=7] [/size][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I met a man online that I didn’t know was married. We became friends, and talked about a lot of things. He helped me heal from my mentally ill/abusive ex. I finally opened myself to someone that I trusted. I found out later that he was married. He really wanted a loving relationship with his wife for his kids. He sent me pics of his son’s head after his wife shoved her son against a wall for not being tough enough. Who does that?[/quote]

[b]Not to justify violence, but the sort of person who's at her wits end trying to raise kids alone while her philandering spouse flirts with skanks like you who know she exists and think it's fine to insert themselves into her family anyway. It's not right, but it's understandable.[/b]

You're part of her problems. You are. No excuses. Do not facilitate cheating and then act like the wife needs to be saintly. She's being abused, and you're complicit.[/quote]

I think you just *did* justify her violence. You’re getting serious side-eye from me. No one *makes* someone do that. You’re responsible for your own behavior.[/quote]

There's a subtlety you're missing, and there's probably no point trying to explain it, as you're already giving "serious side-eye". Yes, absolutely, unequivocally, we're all responsible for our behavior AND no behavior exists in a vacuum. She's being framed by her cheating spouse as this horrifically violent human being, but there's more to that story. 1) a cheater isn't a reliable narrator, nor a reliable judge of their spouse's character. We don't even know that this is true. 2) Haven't you ever lost your temper? Been pushed too far and snapped? That's human. She's a human. It doesn't make what she did right, but it does make it easier to understand than the one-dimensional blame narrative he's trying. If she's so horrid, why isn't he home with his kids? Why is he out cheating?

And doesn't she get to have feelings about being cheated on? A lot of the women on this thread getting ugly at APs are well into abuse territory. But, again, there's nuance and detail and history there. These women aren't just rage monsters at their core. They're at their wits end with cheating spouses leaving them with the sole burdens of parenting (an impossible job under any circumstances), and then their shite spouses are talking mess about them behind their backs and some stupid AP is eating it all up like it whole truth.

And if I dare to point that out, you side-eye me? Well, okay. Be stupidly simple, if it pleases you. I'm not buying what the cheater in this story is selling.

He probably did exactly what he's accusing her of doing. It's not like the AP is going to fact-check. [/quote]

That’s a lot of words to continue to justify violence against a child who did nothing. Frankly I’d have more respect for her if she murdered her husband. [/quote]

NP - I utterly condemn anyone who would attack a child like this.  However, I’m not convinced from the earlier post that the wife’s at fault.  Pictures of his son’s head prove that the son was injured, not that she did it by shoving the boy against a wall.  The only evidence you have that she did it, is the testimony of a man you know is a liar.  Maybe the boy got tackled in football, or was in a car accident, or was abused by the father himself, you don’t really know.

If she is abusing their son, you don’t fake a loving relationship “for the kids”, you press charges and divorce the abuser, suing for full custody.  Your primary goal is to ensure your child’s safety.  Instead, he is choosing to leave his children alone with someone he claims is dangerous, making him an accomplice to the abuse.  Logic leaves you two choices:  either he’s not concerned because she didn’t do it, or he doesn’t really care if the kids are in danger, he just cares about the sex he’s getting on the side.  [/quote]

NP, it’s hard to take seriously a guy who says his wife is abusing his son and his response is to leave the son in the care of the abusive wife while he has sex with someone else. I shouldn’t be, but I am surprised when people buy that hook, line, and sinker. [/quote]

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