Reply to My husband is very stupid

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you BOTH are stupid. That is why you married. Like attracts like.[/quote]

It never ceases to amaze me how there are people on this forum who always, always blame the spouse who is actually a functioning adult: "Well, you married him/her, so you should have known, so it's your fault!" This happens in every thread where any OP dares to point out almost any issue with the spouse. "You're to blame for marrying them in the first place!"

These posters utterly cannot comprehend how (1) many people are excellent at covering up their real problems and deficits while dating, and presenting a "best" version of themselves to their prospective spouse, and (2) many people cope OK, or even cope well, when they are single and newly married and early in their careers--but once there are children, a home to manage, more career pressure/harder position, etc., they cannot cope, and that true self emerges. Or more accurately, that true self retreats from children, home, relationship, and saves the energy and focus for the job.

It's real, people. A person can marry someone who seems to function perfectly normally at the time they marry and for years afterward, too. Until what most of us consider normal life changes--positive changes, like kids--come along. And then the balance is upset and that person's deficits take over.

The whole "It's your fault, you married them, you knew" or "you should have known" is such profoundly hurtful and insulting crap. Yes, sometimes people DO ignore red flags, for certain. But the "you should have known" crowd have no idea how well people can cover up their issues, and how quickly things can fall apart when more responsibility means they have to give a sh*t about things like kids and a home. [/quote]

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