Reply to Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?

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Reply to "Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] Right now she's letting herself get upset at things for which getting upset isn't the only option. [/quote]

Thank you for saying the quiet part out loud. The other option is accepting that her partner just won’t help. Aaaaaand we’re back at the black and white thinking. No middle ground, no let’s find out what works for both people. The bar is as low as you decide it should be. Accept it or be upset, your choice!

I swear, the crumbs on the table people are masters at projection. No one is more controlling than the person who digs in and refuses to act. I have an ex like this. His tag line was “you want to control all the decisions”, when the truth was that the future absolutely paralyzed him, and he couldn’t make decisions, period. But rather than facing that, he lashed out at me. It was way easier than facing his own personal failings. [/quote]

It's really not black and white thinking. It's just reality that you can't make anyone else do anything. You can't find out what works for both people if he isn't going to budge or compromise. You can't go back and not marry him or make him someone else.

What else can you do that you can actually control the outcome of other than accept those things as true (then either leave or stay and deal) or choose not to accept them, i.e., keep getting upset at predictable behavior?

Carolyn Hax talks about this all the time. You can't make someone exercise, eat better, listen to you, change their behavior, care about you feelings.[/quote]

Do you think you’re saying something smart? [/quote]

Smart? Don't know.

Revolutionary, yes. I honestly think most wives and mothers would be way happier accepting what I'm saying. [/quote]

DP but I completely agree with you.  You are basically advocating for a Stoic mindset, which of course gets lambasted on this board full of (willfully) unhappy people, but is actually one of the keys to a happy existence.

I have been teaching Stoic philosophy to my children and it has dramatically improved their anxiety and overall behavior.

And for the record I think what you are saying is very smart.[/quote]

I've seen you advocating for stoicism on this board before and I find it funny because if there is anything that runs counter to Stoic philosophy it's arguing with strangers online about things that don't impact you at all.[/quote]

You caught me!  I am literally the ONLY person who has ever posted on DCUM espousing the benefits of a more Stoic mindset.[/quote]

I think it’s more CBT than stoicism. [/quote]

CBT is actually based on stoicism.[/quote]

No it’s not really. It’s based on changing your behaviors, not deciding “ho hum, I can’t change anything.” [/quote]

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