Reply to Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The only thing “stoicism” in relation to a dysfunctional partner will get you is ever-deeper into denial and dysfunction. Being angry is actually more functional because it holds your partner at least somewhat accountable and may motivate you to take care of yourself. In fact the few times I was able to actually manage to get through to my ex was when I was very, very angry and sincerely at the end of my rope, and showed it.

Stoicism and acceptance are for things you actually cannot change. Not dysfunctional (or abusive) partners. [/quote]

You really think you can change dysfunctional or abusive partners? I strongly disagree.[/quote]

You can get divorced which is not what stoic lady advocates for. [/quote]

This is an incorrect conclusion.  Divorce is a perfectly reasonable course of action if you are dissatisfied with your spouse or marriage.

You can’t control your spouse’s behavior, or who he is as a person.  You can control whether or not you remain married to him.  So either accept who he is, or divorce.  But stop believing that you can force him to be the person you think he should be, rather than the person he is.[/quote]

This.

Divorce and coparent as best you can. Detach from normal expectations of him, kids will need to do the same and need therapy (hey likely still think a Father is someone who cares for and protects them, not checks out).

Or stay together but apart. Having money will helps then divorce later or let him keep hanging around the hoop. Don’t let him parentify the kids, no matter what their ages. Taking care of lazy dad is not what you want your daughters doing in their 20s. They need to say NO.[/quote]

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