Reply to My marriage is going to break over the little things

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I get it OP. Reading your first post, I knew the deeper issue was about division of labor. It doesn't occur to him to try to keep the couch clean because he won't be the one to try to clean it if it does get dirty. The little things add up because if they go wrong, they fall on you, and so you want to prevent issues while none of it even lands on his radar.

I think your deeper issue is a common one. It is 100% the dynamic I struggle with at home. I really think there is no answer. you cannot change him. Unless he wants to be more aware, nothing you do can get him there. It will only hurt your relationship. So try to let it go. The only other option is misery and divorce and that is not a better road, [b]given that your relationship sounds fine otherwise. [/b]

Work on modeling good behavior for your kids, ask them to pitch in and bring their plates etc. it's easier and more natural to speak kindly to your kids kindly on this issue because you are teaching them and don't have the resentment. Hopefully your husband will pick up on the family expectation and will want to aid in the effort to set good examples for the kids. Don't nag him. Get him on the same team.[/quote]

You think this sounds fine?

"It's about me doing 90% of the work at home despite trying to have many conversations about how I need help because we both work full time but I am the only one doing laundry, doing groceries, packing kids lunches, making sure kids have what they need for school/activities, cleaning the home, doing ALL the things ETC. DH feels like he does his part but the issue is that there is way more than needs to be done. So it falls on me. ALL OF IT! We have had conversations about it, I even wrote him a letter once so I could calmly lay it all out. DH agrees with me, he agrees that most of the load falls on me but nothing changes."

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play...[/quote]

Does your DH do the yardwork, car maintenance, take care of major appliances, etc?  So many women complain about having to do housework, but then give husbands zero credit for things they do and she doesn't have to worry about.  I'll happily clean toilets and do all the laundry in the air conditioning, as my DH is out in the heat, humidty, and gnats pushing a lawn mower.[/quote]

Your cars, yard, and appliance need weekly attention?  [/quote]

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