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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dear DILs Everywhere,

Your husband was my son for many years before he was your husband. I don’t care if he is 5 or 95 as long as I’m alive it is my “job” to lookout for him and make sure he is being treated right.

So many men work hard for their families and all their wive’s do is spend their hard earned money. As a mom of a young son I want my son to be treated kindly in his marriage and not dominated by a domineering woman in the future.

And I don’t give a rat’s ass what you think my first loyalty is always to my own son. If I think he is being taken advantage of in his marriage you bet your ass I always have that “right” to pull him aside and have a conversation about it.

I carried him for 9 months, gave birth to him, raised him into adulthood, held him while he cried, fixed his boo boos, stayed up with him all night. I will always cradle to grave protect him.

He can divorce you honey and get another wife but he can only ever have one mother.

Signed,

A mother of a young boy.[/quote]

I feel sorry for your future DIL.  Consider this, then - if you cause trouble in your son's marriage your will only be making your son unhappy.  Divorce is horrible.  Imagine now that your son and his wife have a child.  If you succeed in interfering to where you cause a divorce, you will not only cause your own son pain, but leave your grandchild broken-hearted over the end of life as they know it.  That makes you a selfish jerk.  [/quote]

Divorce is horrible? Come on now. People here talk about it being liberating. Less child care time more personal time. And kids are resilient, remember? A divorce would mean MIL gets a lot more time with her grandchild too without walking on eggshells around an unstable DIL.[/quote]

lol yikes. Tell me you don’t give one shit about children without saying you don’t give one shit about children.[/quote]

So, people should stay in bad marriages for the sake of the kids? [/quote]

So confused how you read the above posts and that was your takeaway. Really bizarre and illogical thinking. But someone singing the praises and touting the wondrous benefits of divorce (none of which include a single thought about the children) but instead focus on things like more personal time away from your children is not someone I would want anywhere near children. Certainly not my own! That poster (probably you?) is pretty yuck and cringe.[/quote]

Im not talking about my personal feelings but this board is extremely pro divorce and very quick to recommend it. Are you new here?[/quote]

Poor you. No comprehension skills. This board is very pro divorce when there is abuse involved. I would not say this board is pro-divorce in the sense that everyone is always encouraging people to divorce so they have more time to drink wine with friends and have a spa day. Two loving involved parents living together in an abuse-free home is monumentally better for kids than parents getting divorced just so a nasty ass granny can paw the kids without mommy around, or so one parent has more free time. Disgusting.[/quote]

It's your opinion that isolating a spouse and control their communication with their parents is not abuse.[/quote]

So not wanting your spouse to keep marital issues private is abusive?[/quote]

Being tired is a marital issue? And get real, women talk about their husbands to their moms often. It's a double standard. [/quote]

So you think it’s ok for a man to bring his marital issues to his mother and involve her in his marriage and paint his wife in a bad light? So running to mommy instead of talking things with his wife?

What’s wrong with asking your husband to not complain or vent about you and go to an unbiased source.

Your husband should care about how this can affect your relationship with his mother.

Why would he want to create tension between his wife and mother or paint his wife in a bad light?

That’s mommas boy behavior.[/quote]

Not the PP, but you can't really dictate what your husband talks about when you're not around.  However, it is a bad idea for them to vent about wives to their mothers, and to share private information.  My DH's over-sharing in that department has often caused trouble between me and his mother, and led to her becoming very intrusive and demanding and inserting herself where she doesn't belong.  He learned his lesson after sharing my very personal and private medical information with her (related to a pregnancy) and then having to deal with the fallout of that.  But a normal MIL, one hopes, would not be so invasive.  Crazy ones like mine need to be left in the dark or you risk them turning into busy body nightmares.  [/quote]

OP here. I definitely think you can’t dictate what your spouse talks about with his mother when you’re not around but also if you have a respectable husband that puts you first he wouldn’t put you in a position that paints you in a bad light in front of his mother because in turn that would effect the relationship between his mother and wife and it would be selfish of him to do that to his wife.

I will also say that there is a huge difference between a son telling or venting to his mom, “I have been having trouble adjusting to fatherhood” or asking for advice on how to handle parenthood then saying, “my wife is making me feel like I have to get up all night with the baby.” The former is a son venting to his mother about the general woes of life and the latter is him making his wife look bad or painting her in a bad light which again will in turn effect the relationship between his mother and his wife. Of course bear in the mind the mother is hearing only one side of it and besides instead of running and tattling on his wife to mommy these are issues he needs to keep within the marriage and address head on with his own wife.

Now it may be different if the MIL is emotionally mature enough to handle the information and vent without looking at the wife/her DIL in a negative light and looking at it objectively and be able to give her son his wife’s perspective but if the mil is not emotionally mature enough to handle the information given to her without looking down at her DIL, judging her harshly, or it effecting their relationship than it needs to be nipped in the bud.

Also again a mother is literally the most biased source there is so of course if her son/the wife’s husband is venting about his wife to his mother she will naturally “side” with his wife because a lot of MILs aren’t emotionally mature enough to look at things objectively they just see it as the “evil” wife is hurting their precious baby boy. [/quote][/quote]

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