Reply to Sister in law told my elderly mother this is the last Christmas she’ll see their family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, this is not the right venue for a sympathetic ear. Remember, DCUM is filled with women just like your SIL. they are going to empathize with her here, and not you, because they hate their ILs too.

OP, is your mother/extended family less well off than SIL's? If so, that is your answer right there. SIL is not trying to have middle class Christmas while all the school Joneses are Christmasing in Palm Beach. There isn't any way to slice it, you've lost, a primary feature of UMC people is that family only matters when the family is equally rich or willing to spend to look it, or richer and willing to share fringe benefits (like invitations to ski or beach houses). Then, its "family is everything" otherwise, it is "family is awful, unsupportive and dysfunctional and we cannot bear to spend another holiday with them."

Good luck, [/quote]

[b]Another jealous harpy. Can’t stand it when anyone else is wealthier, prettier, more in-demand. Which must happen a lot.[/b] [/quote]

I'm this PP. Sadly, I am not a jealous harpy, but as usual, the rich women love to come out and whine about how anyone who criticizes anything they do must be jealous. It couldn't possibly be that there is any truth in my comment....right? Fwiw, I'm UMC and sometimes travel at the holidays plus private school, so I'm not making all this up. Just commenting on the cultural quirks that I observe around me. I know having your lifestyle and choices criticized doesn't feel good, but if it makes your feel badly, that's on you to honestly ask yourself why and the answer cannot always be someone is jealous. Oftentimes, the answer is, you might suck. [/quote]

It sounds like you and OP got what you wanted. You made a point of letting your SILs know that they weren’t welcome, that you judged them, that you saw them as The Other Woman, you blamed them for your brother’s actions and inactions, and you went out of your way to let them know You’re Not One of Us. Welcome to the fruits of your labor: your brother’s wives no longer bother trying. They gave up. They know where they’re not wanted, so off they go on fabulous vacations instead of your boring suburban holiday gatherings. You got what you wanted, they’re not around. And oops, neither is your brother, and neither are your nieces and nephews.

Guess you should have been more welcoming and less judgmental.[/quote]

I'm the PP you're responding to. I don't have a SIL who is unwelcome in my family. I have one BIL and SIL and we've got a great relationship. We spend time together when we can and all are happy with the relationship. Sorry, you are projecting on me, but that is not my life. You are just proving my point further with your comment about "boring suburban holiday gatherings." We get it, you are too rich to have such a pedestrian holiday and need to act like the folks who do are somehow flawed. You must not understand that this is why Tiny Tim was the sympathetic character in the story, and not Scrooge. The rich person looking down on those with less is pretty much never the good person in the scenario. Maybe hop over to the college forum and for a reminder of how much admissions counselors like your rich children over the poorer ones with more grit. Your compatriots are crying about that right now in many threads. [/quote]

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