Reply to Just accepting unequal division of labor

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Just accepting unequal division of labor"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Kindness is everything, including from the ADHD person apologizing and managing their symptoms. [/quote]

I disagree anyone needs to be apologizing for their ADHD itself, but wow do I hate the trend where people who have ADHD (or any diagnosable issue) should not need to apologize when their ADHD causes real damage to other people. As though because the root cause of the issue is ADHD, they are somehow exempt from needing to make amends or being in anyway accountable for the consequences of their behavior.

No one needs to apologize for simply having ADHD, but if your ADHD seriously impacts your partner in negative ways, absolutely you should apologize for it! People can understand nuance and can understand the difference between "I did this on purpose because I'm a sociopath," and "This got away from me and I didn't mean to do it and I hate that it happened." So SAY IT. Don't just assume that any and all behavior that can be explained by ADHD must be accepted, accommodated, and absorbed by your partner without complain or explanation.

I has depression for about 5 years in the middle of my marriage, and it was not my fault and it was definitely more horrible for me than my partner. But that doesn't mean I didn't need to sit down and tell my partner, on more than one occasion, "Hey, I get that dealing with this is hard for you and I really appreciate that you have hung in there with me, and I appreciate the occasions when you've gone above and beyond to make up for the fact I couldn't. And I need you to know that I'm working hard to address this issue, not just because I don't want to be like this forever, but also because I want to be a better version of myself for you and for our family." It matters. A lot.

Your partner doesn't exist just to make your life easier. Gratitude and humility are pretty useful skills in maintaining a strong marriage. This idea like "it's not me, it's the ADHD" is so toxic. It's the ADHD but it's also you, and when it hurts other people, it actually don't matter why -- it hurts them. Own your $hit.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics