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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am fortunate in that my DH is a very organized and equal partner.  He does at least 50 percent of everything, and is an amazing cook.  He makes about 55 percent of our income.

However, our son (age 20) has ADHD, and I pray for his future wife.  I know our son just cannot do so many of the things that my DH automatically does.  So I hope to be able to pay for a weekly house cleaner for them, as well as helping them with a down payment on the house.  I will try to support them in whatever way possible.

Forgive me if this has already been suggested, but can you hire outside help to make things any easier for you?  Is there a family member who could come in and help with some things?

Or perhaps try the Serenity Prayer?  (I use this a lot in my life, and find it pretty helpful.)

I'm sure others have suggested this, but keep in mind that the person with ADHD often feels pretty bad that they are not doing more.  So I'm sure that it's a challenge to be sympathetic to your DH, but my guess is that he feels pretty bad.  Perhaps just don't be too hard on him?  [/quote]

Honestly you sound like a bigger problem than your son here.

How about instead of investing in someone else to do the things your son “just cannot” do, you get him coaching, therapy, and medication so that he can?

And how about you stop making excuses for him? He’s not physically disabled? There’s nothing he “just cannot” do. There are things he needs support to do, get him that support.

Don’t let him lie to potential spouses about his diagnoses. Tell them yourself if he hasn’t by the engagement phase. [/quote]

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